should i forgive

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
should i forgive
3
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:43am
The other night i was talking to my boyfriend who is in florida and i'm in new york. He told me that his charger broke so his cell phone might die while we are on the phone. He also said he was watching tv so i assumed he was home. So when his phone did die I thought it was weird that he didn't call me from his house phone like he would normally do. So i called the house no answer twice and the next day i called him when i was on break at work his cell phone was still off. And still no answer at the house. Finally around six he calls me and i ask him where he was and he's trying to tell me he was home. I said I know your lying. He's like i lost my phone last night. I said u lost it at the house i don't believe you. And i asked him y he didn't answer the house phone he said it was broken. When i knew very well it wasn't. Then he finally ammited that he was in Daytona Beach and had a hotel party. This broke my heart. I can't believe he would lie to me. He says he lied because he knew it would upset me if i knew he was going. And on top of that he was staying one more night. I don't know what to do. I know he loves me but I don't think staying at a hotel and having hotel partys is what you should be doing when u are with someone no matter how far away thay are. I don't do those things. I don't do them because i know its not right. I was suppose to go visit him next month. But i don't know if i should. I was barely able to sleep last night and feel sick to my stomach because i have no idea what he is doing. I don't know if i should forgive him for lying, becuase how can i ever believe him again. Or should i just let go.
by the way we lived in new york together for three years he just went to florida in january.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: rajeenah
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 11:41am
Lying is one thing but I don't see why you have an issue with this man taking a few days of vacation and having a party. You can't expect him to live a cloistered life. That doesn't make sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
In reply to: rajeenah
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 12:58pm
i understand he needs to have fun but i don't think it needs to be at a hotel party. The reason i don't like it is he wouldn't like me doing it either. I might be wrong about that part but it just hurts and i don't like those types of things when i'm not around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
In reply to: rajeenah
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 7:03pm

I agree with the first post to your issue. I don't understand why you are mad that he went to a party. It's probably why he lied about it to you in the first place.

I know how it feels, don't get me wrong. I was in a couple of long distance relationships and everytime I would hear that he was going to a bar or a party with local friends the insecurity gene would immediately take over and I'd want to know with who and wonder if he'd meet a girl he'd like better while he was there.

I know you don't like it, but the guy has to have a life where he is and, since you are far away, it's not always going to include you. He did take the time to call you from the hotel party and I think that's very sweet because he was thinking about you regardless of where he was. Unfortunately because he didn't feel like he could tell you the truth so when his phone died innocently enough the lies led to suspicion.

Sweetie, he didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing for you to forgive. However, as a warning, I think it's a really bad idea to try to control this guy, especially to that extent, when you're in New York. It will drive him away because this is beyond him just asking for some space. This is him wearing handcuffs.

Maybe we could all understand more if you explained why you don't like him going to parties. Did he ever give you a reason in the past not to trust him?