Should I go after him or vice versa?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Should I go after him or vice versa?
2
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 11:48am
I have been single now for 2 months. The relationship I was in was really over in the last four to five months of the relationship. Anyway, now that I am single again I do have an interested in someone. I have had feeling's for him for well over a year, but since we were both with someone we never got together, just remained friends. We talked about how we felt about each other and he has feeling's for me as well. There is a glich in the matter. The man I am interested in now is friend's with my ex. He told me he wants to be with me but there are some thing's he had wanted to think about. I told him that I didn't want to jeopardize his friendship with my ex at all. He said he wasn't really worried about that because he thinks of him as more as an accquaintance. This guy is "the sweet" and he has all the qualities and more that I look for in a man. I thought my ex was "all that" but I quickly realized I was fooling myself and he was just a cheating fool. Anyway, we joke around all the time and have talks and we hardly argue. He is an all around happy guy. Well, one night we let our feeling's for one another get the best of us and we were intimate (protection was used). I do care for him alot and he has told me in one of our talks, before we had sex, that he doesn't want to hurt me. He said he has hurt women in the past and he swore to himself he would never do that again. He wants to be in a relationship with a woman and take her out and experience thing's together. He had said on more than one occasion that he has thought about he and I dating. I asked about his thoughts and he said they are positive thoughts, but he is still uncertain. I asked if there was something about me that makes him uncertain and he said no, that I have it all, but he can't pinpoint it. I don't know if he is just confused or just taking his time in thinking thing's through. Should I not snuggle with him anymore and just back off? I definately do not want to be intimate again with him because my feeling's for him will only increase and I don't want to get hurt, plus I don't want to sleep with him if we aren't dating. Should I just let him think thing's through, if he still is, and let him "come to me?" Advise from men is welcome too. OH ONE MORE THING TO MENTION THIS MAN IS MY ROOMMATE.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 11:58am
So, the guy thinks that dating you might not work out - but living with you, sharing bills equally, and sleeping with you on occasion will?

And you're thinking that you're not "emotionally involved' yet? And you're honestly deluding yourself that he's considering you as a "dating candidate"?

Come on......the guy isn't considering dating you - he's living with you as a roommate that he can rely on to pay half the bills, who he knows adores him and cuts him slack, and who he's now had sex with without obligation to more...but with every option for more just sex if you're willing to do it.

Would you want to date him? Think about it. IF he considers all his "dating candidates" in this manner - he sleeps with them all before he takes htem out.....in which case he's "test driving" his dates.....gross.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 12:02pm
I would back off and be unavailable. This man isn't looking for a relationship with you, no matter what he says. If he wanted one with you, he would have asked for one. Since he has you as a snuggle buddy, sex buddy, he will not need more. Stop any intimate contact, flirty attitude and suggestive talk with him. You need him to feel that you are no longer interested in him, even if you are. Go out and date men, get them to pick you up at your place. We always want what we can't have, he may wake up and realize he's missing the boat- or he may just try to get in your pants even harder.

Listen to what he says: he doesn't want to hurt you? good, don't let him. If you are not happy with a non commitment from him, don't allow it to happen. Find someone who DOES want that commitment and isn't into playing games.

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