Should I go..should I stay???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Should I go..should I stay???
9
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:08am
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now and I can safely say that the relationship does not feel the same. I met him when I was 16, and at that time he was 19, at first my love was strong for him, but then again I thought he was perfect and different from other guys. Then as time progressed between us I started noticing his lies and the way he treats me. I have to constantly tell him to stop disrespecting me; and it is worse whenever we argue. So I started pulling back from him and he noticed so his love increase. He talks about having kids with me and getting married, but i don't trust him and can't see a future with him. I want to date other guys b/c I'm still young,but i cannot manage to leave him alone and it's driving me crazy; its like I want to be with him but then again i don't. He gives his word about situations in the relationship (disrespecting and controlling his temper) but he always seems to go back on his word. I don't know what to do whenever i try to leave him alone he cries (literally) and swears that he is going to change. Also there are so many signs that he may be cheating on me (again) but i don't if it is me jumping to conclusions: he is moody, he gets mad whenever i don't believe him about a situation or if i second-guess him. Honestly i don't know what to do, should i stay with him hoping that he going to change or leave him alone. At this current time he doesn't have a job, car or a high school diploma, but whenever he get something (a car or a cell phone) he acts funny with me and i was with him from the very beginning. Help me!!! I don't know if he is cheating...should i leave him...or should i just stay??? Am I wasting my time??
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 4:36pm
Only you can make that decision. All relationsihps (not just romantic ones) take work. However, they should also include the good. If the good only comes when you back away then that should tell you something. Besides you are still so young. You never know what else is out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 6:00pm
im quite quick and straight to the point really from what u wrote i think u should just leave, there are plenty of fish in the sea and much easier relationships, you are still young and it will do you good to experience other relationships then u can really know what you truly want. u will always have a place for him, but he will be ok and so will you!!! i want to offer more advice but i have to sleep sorry maybe soon if this helps??? take care and do whats best for you. x
Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 9:39pm
I think you are not only wasting your time, but you are in a classic abusive relationship.

It is typical for guys to cheat on you and dispect you, and then when you start to leave, they begin to shower you with affection and even cry. This is the abusive seesaw. Be extremly wary of his temper which he may use to control you. This is how domestic violence starts. It escalates from verbal abuse. Please get some support from friends and family and leave him. By all means, do not bring children into this situation. That will not change him at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 3:19am
Ok hun, ima be straight forward with you. I really think you should leave him. He is so not worth it. I was in a relationship exactly like yours. His temper was horrible, he was always yelling at me and cursing at me. He was so controlling, the time that i spent his girlfriend i didnt get to see any of my friends, and believe me it was a long time. He would break up with me atleast like once a month and me like a dummy kept going back to him. We would talk about it and he would tell me that he loves me and he would promise me that he would stop being so jealous, and he did stop acting jealous, for like a week. But yet again i would stay with him. I ended up being so miserable. The depression i had was so horrible. It took me so long to start feeling good about myself again. I dont want this for you or for anyone for that matter. You should get away. Its true what someone else told you, it's the beginning of domestic violence. Get away before it is too late. Good luck

Jessy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 10:54am
If he's cheated on you before (as it sounds) then you are wasting your time, especially if you are not even sure you want to still be with him. Leave. Not simple--but just do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 4:20am
I just had to reply back to your message, and I want to tell you thank you for your advice. It's just I love him, but then again I don't and I'm unhappy being with him. But he has already hit me so I guess that's my cue to leave him alone (IF HE HITS YOU ONCE THEN HE'LL HIT YOU AGAIN). I have already got to the depressed feelings, and b/c I know he is not going to change and I kinda have feelings for him. I depressed when we not together and when we are together; will I ever get over this feeling of missing him? It's like i hate myself for loving him. But i know i did the right thing by leaving. thank you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 6:30pm

The confused feelings you are experiencing are part of the abuse cycle.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 8:33pm
Thank you for the advice!! Not to sound to dumb or anything but what do you recommend i do to keep away from my terrible boyfriend. Do i date other guys or concentrate more on school? Help me please, because i feel my self-esteem sinking lower and lower each day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 9:55pm

Well, first, I'll answer you in good

 Start