Should I invite him as my wedding date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Should I invite him as my wedding date?
3
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 5:56am

I looked through the message boards for a situation similar to mine, and haven't seen one yet. Here goes:

A month from now I will be attending a family wedding out of state. It has been in the planning stages for quite a while, so we all knew it was coming up and have hotel rooms reserved. I received the invitation last week, addressed to myself "and guest."

I have been dating someone for two months and it seems to be going really well. He has met some of my friends and got the thumbs-up, but not my parents yet because they live out of town. I have only seen his parents for a few minutes when I was at his place and they stopped by briefly.

I am trying to decide how to approach asking him if he would like to come with me. I am not sure if I should ask my family first if they mind him coming along (I don't know if we would drive with them or on our own), or if I should ask him first if he is interested in going and then let my family know. I ran this idea by a couple of friends and they said if the invitation listed "and guest" then it is up to me, not my family, if I ask him.

I would like for him to be there, but realize he would be spending an entire weekend with my extended family and not knowing anyone there but me. I asked my brother if his girlfriend is going (they have been dating for a year) and he doesn't know yet. He said he felt a little funny asking her to go.

Furthermore, a few days ago I noticed he had a wedding invitation sitting with a stack of mail (at least it looked like one - it had his name + guest written on it), but he hasn't mentioned it. He knows about my wedding trip, so I am wondering if he's waiting for me to ask him to mine before he asks me to go to his. Or maybe he wasn't/isn't going to ask at all, or just hasn't asked yet for some other reason. And, I am afraid of hurting his feelings if I don't ask him to go.

Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 8:37am

You don't tell us whether you want to go with this guy to the wedding. If you don't feel that he is up to it, then don't. If you are thinking about taking him bear in mind a few details. You will be responsible for making sure he is comfortable and entertained, which means introducing him to like minded people who might attend the wedding. If he is into sports then he should be introduced to your cousin who loves football. You are going to have to introduce him to everyone and make sure that he is comfortable. If your boyfriend becomes tired or cranky, you will have to politely leave the party and return to your hotel room for some downtime.

I have been to a few weddings with boyfriends and have been left to my own devices while they hobnob with their family and friends. It isn't pleasant, so keep in mind that when you bring a guest you have some responsibilities. It doesn't matter what your family thinks about you bringing this man, it is up to you to make the decision. Telling this man a few details about your parents beforehand will be a good idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 3:18pm

WOW only known him and dating him for 2 months IMHO that is too soon to ask for a wedding date for many guest will assume that you are in a serious realtionship and your still in the getting to know you stage how about this why not asked him do you want to go to this wedding if you don't want to for your not ready no hard feelings and we can continue to see each other that way you know at least how he feels and then you can go from there

Good Luck 2 U !

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 6:20pm

Thoughts? Uncomplicate this ... because, it's really not that complicated.

In simple terms:
a) yes, it is your decision not your family's decision ... after all, it says to you and "guest" ... that means you get to invite anyone you want.

b) if you've each met *some* friends and family, at this point, then ... no, I don't think its too soon ... its a progression, here you meet a few, there you meet a few, etc. If neither of you had met ANY of the others family yet ... then, I would say probably not. But, since you have met some ... it seems logical to keep the progression going.

c) however, and ....this may be an obvious question, but ... are you exclusive? or are you just dating? If you are just dating without exclusivity, then ... yes, it may be too soon and innappropriate to be attending functions like this. And for that matter, meeting families, etc. That type of stuff is generally reserved for when you are a couple.

So, if you're not exclusive, you may want to rethink it. Personally, I wouldn't bring a guy to a family wedding or any type of family event UNLESS he were dating exclusively (which to me, is the same as being BF/GF ... even if the BF/GF "label" isn't there). (unless of course, that guy was just a friend ... which I have done ... brought a good male friend to a wedding as my "date" though we weren't dating ... but, that's a different scenario).