Should I just assume it's over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Should I just assume it's over?
15
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 2:54pm
Hi there! I'm goign to try to keep this as short as possible. I met a guy on-line and we've been dating about 2 1/2 months. It hasn't been easy as he has enough baggage to fill a train! I've been really supportive, always lending an ear, advice and words of support. A couple of weeks ago he had some significant events occur with his family, so the distance I had been feeling I've tried to keep to myself, thinking it may be due to this. However, I'm not stupid either and didn't ignore the fact that it may also be his wanting to get out. Anyway, a week ago, I was taking him to dinner, thought we could use a nice night out together. While waiting at the bar to be seated, I made a comment about thinking I was getting the boot, and he got so mad at me. The rest of the night was ruined no matter how I tried to fix it. The next day was better and he admitted to being a"dickhead" as he put it, but no real apology, but he was espcially helpful. This past Wednesday, he took another comment I said and I got mad, eventhough I tried to explain. He did what he usually does, got mad and said "I'll call youlater." I tried to contact hima few times that day, but he ignored my calls. I heard nothing from him for two days and we never missed a day. Finally, yesterday morning at 1:45 am I get a text "I miss talking to you. Why do you do that? :(" At the more resasonable hour of near noon, I sent a question mark as I didn't understandhim. He sent on back. I clarified I didn't understadn his text. He said, I guess I don't either. I clairifed again that I didn't understadn his orginal text and asked what I did. He sent a text "It's what you say.." Not wanting to have this conversation through texting and being a bit mad at this point that he is constantly getting mad at me, gets spiteful, and doens't reflect on his behavior, I sent" If you would actually like to discuss soemthing, you now my number." I haven't heard from him yet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 3:01pm

Sounds to me like he is either playing games or

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 3:13pm
I have been thinking the same thing. I did ask if there was someone else and he said no. I didn't push for a big conversation about it because I thought there was a SLIGHT chance I was wrong since that week he gave custody of his daughter back to his ex-wife, heard his oldest son threatened to commit suicide, and these just are a culmination of drama that has led up to this. When I said he had baggage, I wasn't kidding. I ugess I'm more hurt by the fact that I can't imagine any other woman standing by a guy and trying to help him with the situations I have so early in a relationship. These were let known to me in the first few weeks! Also, if he was interested in someone else, as I too suspected, why contact me after 2 1/2 days with "I miss talking to you. Why do you do that?" He should have just gone right on ignoring me. I was contacting him. I had already assumed it was over and he was just too much of an ass to come out and say it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 3:27pm
i know its easier said than done, but don't be sad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 4:09pm
I hear what you're saying and know all about that. However, I didn't put out those vibes at all. Plus, I just ignored him the two days he was stewing. I also didn't respond guilty and oh so sorrowful to his recent text. I just responded that he knew my number if he had somnething to discuss and made no further contact. If anything, I would think his ego should be a little sore. I think I'm giving the vibe that I'm not playing the game so to speak.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 4:15pm
thats good. if i were in the same position, id keep doing what i was doing - which is nothing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 5:14pm

Honey,guys just do this. It is called having his cake and eating it too.


Mainly he could be trying to hold onto you until he is sure about this new flame. Or he just cannot make up his mind. Most likely the former.


My suggestion is get busy with your life. Do some things that you have

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 5:56pm

Hello Momma215,

I am going through the same thing but I called and told him off. He didn't call for an entire week and after seeing him he gave me some excuse about his divorce that was coming up. We talked every day for a month several times a day and hours. So I haven't call since Tuesday. It has been 2 weeks. There is a post about men pushing back. if I find it I will give it to you. It made me reexamine why I was soooooooo into this guy and if he really was the right person for me and after answering some of the questions, I decided that he was not the one. Out of respect for anything that you guys have developed he should atleast contact you to talk about what is going on, or just say lets be friends.
I am sorry that you are going through this. I haven't had a call since FEB 25, 08.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 5:59pm

Why in the world would you put up with all this baggage and drama?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 7:28pm

<< It hasn't been easy as he has enough baggage to fill a train! >>


Enough baggage to fill a train = not available for a healthy relationship.


All the rest of it ... is speculation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 8:13pm
I appreciate your words. He just called this evening and wants to call back to finish the conversation. I laid it all out for hiim. He tried to explain some of it by the stress in his life and he just added a list of new events. He also claimed there wasn't anybody else. I'm tending to think it may be true because nobody else would put up with this crap! I also did tell him that I have too much self worth and have to much to give someone to put up with this treatment. When he calls back, I'm going to listen, but unless he can commit to changing, which he can't, I'm out. I'm also not going to be friends with him so he can just have someone to call up wiht his problems all the time. That is just too emotionally draining! I just can't believe how self absorbed some people can be! Thanks again for your reply. :)

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