Should I just be friends with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2013
Should I just be friends with him?
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 7:19pm
I think I have already made a decision though. It's this guy I like and I know the feeling is mutual(to what degree? Idk I'm not him so I can't answer that) , but we haven't gone on a first date yet and it's been either three or two months put together since we started talking. I mean granted we are both in school and he is taking 22 credits right now plus he doesn't have money. He is also dealing with his family and trying to get into Harvard because they did send him a letter basically saying they were interested in him. He says that once he gets his financial aide refund check of course things would be different and we can actually go on a date. I am trying to respect his schedule like I don't text him ten times a day if anything it's once a day asking how he is. Sometimes I get a response and sometimes I do not. I am thinking that I need to just be friends with this guy because right now wasn't the time for us. In his case I feel like he is sort of stringing me a long and I don't like that feeling. He is sweet whenever we are in person together, but those moments are rare because I hardly ever see him now.

Does this sound reasonable of me or am I just being a brat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 11:15pm

It seems like what you are is just friends right now.  People can make excuses for other's behavior but if you look at it logically is there anything really preventing him from showing a romantic interest in you?  Not having money doesn't really matter--I don't think most college students have a lot of money which is usually why there are things to do on campus that don't cost money, like free movies, or you could just take a walk.  So you could wait & see if he actually does ask you out when he gets his check.  IF he's really busy with school work, maybe he also doesn't have much time for a GF right now.  So maybe I rambled, but I probably agree with you that it's better to consider him a friend right now & not be too disappointed if things don't go further.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 09-29-2013 - 10:18am

22 credits is a lot of work. However, as Musiclover indicated, if he wanted more than friendship with you, it probably would have happened. Male sexual desire is strongest around 18 years of age, close to his age now. Getting an appealing woman into bed will usually be a priority, no matter what else is going on in the guy's life. A lack of money is common in his age range, but that also wouldn't ordinarily stop a guy.  If you want him as a friend, keep him in your life, but don't expect any more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 8:58am
Taking 22 credits is a lot to begin with plus having to pull very good grades in those credits for any chance at Harvard. That is clearly his priority and it realistically leaves little time for anything else. If he gets into Harvard, things will not get any easier. In other words, even if you went on a date, he isn't going to have time for you for much more than infrequent dating. Is that what you want?
Doubt it. You have it correct - this isn't the time. Keep it at friends and move on to finding other guys.