Should I leave him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2006
Should I leave him?
2
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 2:54am

Okay so here is the deal

For the last couple of years, I have been in relationships back to back. As soon as one ended I would jump into another one and give 150%. But all that giving, doing and trying to make others happy has taken a toll on me physically and mentally. I am so tired,burnt out, depressed and unhappy. I figured I would stop and take some time out for myself. Get to know the real me, make some radical changes and just learn to be happy by myself. The problem is I am currently seeing this guy and I don't know what to do with him. He is great but I don't know if having him around will hinder my transformation.

If I was to break up with him, then I could really concentrate on myself but on the other hand it would be nice to have a friend. I just cant be anyone's girlfriend right now. I just dont have the strength or energy.

What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 10:12am

someonehadmyname...

It's only a question, but Pianoguy would like to ask: "what is it you're expecting from the relationships and how soon?"

While I'm sure you've given more than you've received in your previous relationships, I wonder if you had the patience to sustain any of them? After dating the same partner over and over, BOTH sexes often get bored! After the breakup occurs, they get frustrated with themselves because they either wasted too much of their "precious time" (quoting Pat Benatar's tune here)...or that their expectations weren't met in some way?

If you CAN'T be anybody's girlfriend right now...make this very clear to the man you're dating IMMEDIATELY! But if he has expressed 'feelings of love' for you, don't expect him to suddenly become a "good pal?"

Most men don't feel comfortable making that sort of transition...and will usually let YOU go in favor of someone else!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 3:09pm

Does this guy consider you his girlfriend? If you two haven't agreed to be exclusive, etc, then you don't have to "break up" with him because you were never officially a couple.

But I do think it's important to be clear and honest with someone you've been dating for a length of time. I would be very straightforward. Tell him you enjoy his company but you're not looking or ready for anything serious. If he's still willing to see you occasionally, great. There's nothing wrong with being "just friends" with a man you used to date... as long as no one is carrying a torch.

But even when the feelings are under control, I find that friendships with exes don't last long. You tend to fall out of touch when someone gets into another romantic/serious relationship.

Good luck.