Should I make the first move?

Avatar for cinnamonpepper
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Should I make the first move?
4
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 2:02am
I met this guy at my condominum gym. We have been living there for years but have not met until that day. Ever since the 2nd time we saw each other, we started to smile but never approached the other party to talk.

I approached him one day finally when he was having a swim *oh gosh* We finally spoke for the 1st time. He recognized me and we had a pretty enjoyable though short conversation.

One of the things he asked was how often do I come down to work out. So I met him again two days later :). But this time we did not have much to talk about, mostly because I was feeling so nervous. In the end I asked for his e-mail. I was rather disappointed that he did not ask for anything from me though.

Nevertheless, I e-mailed him 2 days later, forwarding him a funny attachment. He replied the same day but the message was short...very short.

We did not see or e-mail each other anymore since then....it's been a week now. It's funny how we can meet each other 2 to 3 times this week and none the next.

So now I'm wondering should I e-mail him again? and perhaps ask him about his job search or something? Would I appear too eager? Since I'm the one who asked for his e-mail and mailed him the 1st time too. Or should I wait till the next time I see him face-to-face?

Anyone an advice please? Thanks in advance! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 2:53am
I think you will be setting yourself up for further disappointment, if as you said, "...should I e-mail him again? and perhaps ask him about his job search or something? Would I appear too eager? " And if you do, it would probably just feed his ego. Is that good or bad? I don't know, but I think you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

You made ALL of the effort so far--"In the end I asked for his e-mail. I was rather disappointed that he did not ask for anything from me though. Nevertheless, I e-mailed him 2 days later, forwarding him a funny attachment. He replied the same day but the message was short...very short. "


Back off. Your email already showed him (if he is not dense and clueless) that you are interested in getting to know him more. If he cares enought to follow up, he will.


Live your life and enjoy yourself. If you get the chance to talk again, then do so. Be casual and be yourself (which I know is hard considering that you like him, and obviously more than he does). Maybe next time, let *him* approach you so you can gauge if he is actually interested. Of course you can be polite and friendly....just don't expect too much.

Avatar for cinnamonpepper
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 3:45am
Thanks for your reply :) I guess I'm just too eager. I agree that I should keep it cool for now. But I will just like to mention, the times when we smile or greet each other, it's always his move first. The last time we met (the day when I asked for his e-mail), it was him who called me first..

Nevertheless, now that you say it, I've been the one making the efforts to really know him so I'm going to continue with my life and see how it goes :) Hope everything gets better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 10:09am
Hello cinnamonpepper, welcome to the board!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 1:49pm
I agree with the responses on this one. I met a man in October on vacation. He asked me to join their party since I was alone. We all hit it off and when I got home looked him up and sent him pictures with my e-mail plus phone number. Normally I don't do this stuff but because we live close by I thought it would be nice to keep in touch.

Well, after 5 months of me e-mailing him; I was finally getting a little tired of it. I had to do something for myself; so I have stopped keeping in touch with him. Even as friends it would have been hard because you would want to see him. His e-mails were nice and he would say a couple of times to me that maybe in the Spring we would get together and he looks forward to hearing from me. But it can't be one sided... He also has said that he would send me a group picture of us which he hasn't. I thought that would be the initiative to e-mail me first for a change but he hasn't. Also, I felt that his replies were getting short with just one word answers. I felt that I was bothering him after a while. It's hard to let it go believe me but you have too. It's been over a month since my last e-mail and his response and I refused to do it anymore. It looks like to me he wasn't as interested but I am surprised about not getting that picture at least.

Take care and good luck