Should I or shouldn't I
Find a Conversation
Should I or shouldn't I
| Mon, 06-14-2004 - 2:38am |
I signed up on a website to meet new people in my area as I just moved here.The problem is that more men are in contact with me then women,which overwhelmed me.My last relationship was very violent and ended three years ago.All the wounds are healed and my three children and I are quite happy as we are.
I have been asked out on dates by quite a few men.At first I refused and after thinking long and hard about it,changed my mind.I was always one for commitment and have dated one man at a time.But now I am 34 and I feel that I should just enjoy the company .I am not sleeping with any of them and they know I won't,I have made it quite clear.
Yet I feel guilty!!! I am dating 4 men at the same time. Sometimes I feel to call it quits,but then I would only sit at home all the time.Can I get some feedback on this ,please???
I have been asked out on dates by quite a few men.At first I refused and after thinking long and hard about it,changed my mind.I was always one for commitment and have dated one man at a time.But now I am 34 and I feel that I should just enjoy the company .I am not sleeping with any of them and they know I won't,I have made it quite clear.
Yet I feel guilty!!! I am dating 4 men at the same time. Sometimes I feel to call it quits,but then I would only sit at home all the time.Can I get some feedback on this ,please???

It was strange at first because we tend to think society has preconceived notions that you should see one person at a time and you're some kind of player if you see more than one person. And to be honest, we felt bad (wrong?) within ourselves, for a short while, for doing what we thought other people would think was the wrong thing to do. Fact is, it's what I/he/we are comfortable with that's important, not anybody else.
The key is honesty. We were upfront from day one that we'd see other people (not sleep with other people) and we were upfront with the others as well. It then becomes a choice - on a level playing field - for each person involved to choose whether they want to be in that situation or not.
Honestly? It sounds like it's your time to go out there and just let your hair down and have some fun, meet people and enjoy yourself. You don't have to sign your life away to any single person. You have a right to be happy and if you're happy getting out there and getting some positive attention and meeting some nice people and it's building your self esteem, why the heck wouldn't you?
Best of luck and congratulations for being able to move on from your past.
Eve :-)
ps. it took 2 months for my bf and I to finally get the guts to be exclusive, but we're glad we did it the way we did because meeting the other people that we did gave us an appreciation of how much better we interacted with each other than we did with anyone else. :-)
Given your history, I think it's a good idea, too, for you to be out there meeting different sorts of men. Just be careful about the men you really click with...you might be clicking with them because you recognize the drama that you're familiar with (the abuse). Until we address our issues, we're drawn to the same patterns over and over again. Good luck and have fun!!
I have to agree with the other posts here. Enjoy yourself, you are doing nothing wrong. If you feel guilty, take a look at some of the other posts on this same site. Many men/women not getting what they want/need from their SO and they are miserable. You don't have to worry about that, you are not getting so involved that you can get hurt at this point. I say go!