Should I say something?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Should I say something?
2
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 12:05pm
I need to know if we (me and DH) should add our 2 cents to SIL's new relationship or not? (Mostly I think what goes on between 2 people is their business, but when someone has a possibility of becoming my kids' uncle - or at least a chance of spending lots of time around them - I think I should voice my concerns when I have some...)

Anyway, SIL has been dating new guy "Joe" since late April. After 1 mo she found out he was married - and not just an "Oh, I didn't mention it before..." situation but he gave her a really detailed and intricate story to which she discovered the truth on her own. Needless to say, they had a huge fight and she put him on "super double probation." Now, a few weeks later DH (her brother) and I are told she is still dating him and "working things out" but they sound like they are practically planning a wedding next summer!

Well, DH and I are very leery of Joe. Even though he says he is now getting a divorce and moving his things out, DH and I are very concerned for SIL. Joe’s story at the beginning basically manipulated SIL into a relationship (she felt they were at similar places in their lives after similar experiences – big lie on his part) and now we fear for him hurting and disappointing her badly again. We just don’t know what kind of future they can build if this is what they have in their very short past. Every thing he says and does is suspect to us and although MIL & FIL may be open to letting him in their lives because is the first boyfriend in a long time that is – on paper – “desirable,” DH and I want SIL to show him to the curb so she’s not busy with this liar if and when Mr. Right comes along.

It is her life after all, but should DH and I keep our mouths shut or say something because we want to protect SIL?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 5:14pm
Hi RB. You cant reallky do much except express your concern, and then let it go. People have to learn lessons on their own and honestly most people won't get out of situations, harmful or not unless they want to. And beign in a situation like she is, she will not be able to see straight since shes knee deep in the relationship.

But yes, i believe because you are closely related to her, you should say something. but don't keep talking to her about it unless she asks you.

-s

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:34pm
I agree. You should voice your concern, but don't condemn her for her *mistake*. She will either never see it, or see it in her own time. You don't want to push her away by putting this guy down. The best you can do is be there for her and support her in any decision she makes- whether you think it's right or wrong. Does that mean you have to love this guy? No. But you can be civil and give him a chance.

No matter what she choses to do, you need to be there for her.

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