Should I sleep with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
Should I sleep with him?
7
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 1:49pm
I have met this guy and we have been talking about hanging out like going out for a drink or dinner or coffee whatever.. It's just he travels a lot for his job and I have just started a new job. Needless to say we are both quite busy. So one day while we were talking I asked him what he was looking for from me-- i asked this because he says that he is very into sex. So me being a virgin I figured before it went any further I would see what he said. So his response was-- I cant say I want to date you if I dont see how the sex is. Well I was shocked with this response. I like him and have really been thinking about just going for it but if I do that am I doing the wrong thing? Is this guy only after one thing or are guys really like this HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 2:24pm

First you should ask yourself, is this guy even WORTHY of taking your virginity. Sounds a bit far-fetched, but think about it this way; sleeping with someone is actually a big deal..A friend once said to me it can sometimes dictate how you view your relationships (sexually)for quite a long while after - though im not saying this happens with every person.

This guy seems like a total jerk; the very fact that he has to sleep with someone before he even 'considers' dating them is ridiculous. Think how it will make you feel if you sleep with him, then a few days later he suddenly stops calling you. I'd hate to imagine the kind of thoughts running through my head..for instance, 'was i really that rubbish?' etc. It's not guna give you an amazing ego-boost for future relationships or experiences eh?

All i can say, is if you really do want to go through with it, remember how he might be afterwards and be willing to accept that he might drop you as soon as he's got what he wants. Or maybe not..maybe he's the kind of guy who will take you by surprise and stick around for long enough for it to develop into a relationship - i really hope if you chose to sleep with him, that he's this kind of guy. Just make sure that it's what you want, because you deserve the best, just like everyone else. A guy should make you feel special and shouldn't care about having to wait a while - dating isn't just about the sex, it's about getting to know a person and wanting to spend time with them.

I really hope it works out for the best, just go with your gut instinct x

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 12:09am
Well..what can I say. A guy who openly says he wants sex, before considering anything, does not deserve your affection. For me, sex is something that comes after not before you even start a relationship. Dont know how old you are..but sounds like you are young and the guy is totally immature too. There are plenty of good guys around..stop seeing this one and go ahead dating others. This guy isn't worth it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:41pm
No, not all men are like this. Of course, guys like sex, and they think about it ALOT, but if a guy is worthy of sleeping with, he will be willing to hang around a while before getting any. ESPECIALLY since you are a virgin. I'm not saying hold out for the one you are going to marry, or even for the one you love (if you dont want to) - but at least make sure it is someone you respect and someone who respects you. And that is someone who appreciates you enough to want your first time to be special.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 2:33pm
I also would say no. You don't want your first to be an insensitive jerk.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 8:44am

Someone once told me a guy will consider a relationship if the sex is good, whereas a woman will consider sex if the relationship is good.

Anyways, if this guy thinks sex is so important in a relationship, I would definitely not sleep with him. For one thing (and this is absolutely not an insult to you), but the first time you have sex, it will not be great. For you, it will likely be painful and awkward and you won't know what you're doing. He most likely won't like it, he'll bail and you'll be left broken-hearted knowing you gave away your virginity to an a**hole.

Wait for a gentleman.

In response to your questions, yes, this guy is just after sex with you and no, not all guys are like him. So drop him and find someone else!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 9:46pm
I would suggest waiting for all the reasons previously posted. Additionally, I would be concerned that he may have women elsewhere as well. If sex is that important to him and he travels a lot, he is in a prime position for a woman in every city (not that everyone who travels for work is like that). It doesn't sound like he cares for you the person. He just sounds shady to me. Last thing you want to deal is with the possibility of STD if he is sleeping around. That is a difficult conversation to have with anyone, but especially if he is only interested in sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:59pm
You should only sleep with someone because it is something freely and very much want to do, not 'cause guy might not stick around if you don't.
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