Should I stay or should I walk away

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Should I stay or should I walk away
6
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 6:57am
I have been friend with this guy for a while. I really like him, and I can feel that he has feeling for me too. However, he's always told me that he wanted to be single and not want to settle down. Just recently things got more intimate, but I am confused. While he's being nice to me, he's also going out with other woman. He actually wrote in his blog how he watched a movie with this other girl. I didn't want to appear eager so I didn't press him for detail. But I suspect there could be more because I notice his behaviour change. I am frustrated with the number of women around him, i don't like to compete with other women. I am sick of being one of these woman, but our r'ship is only starting to get more intimate. I am scared to confront him because I think either way I would be walking away. I am really depressed and I donno what to do? Should I stay, compete with other woman and hope for the better? Or should I walk away?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 11:54am
leave. we hurt most when we give it all and hope to get at least half of it back, waiting, expecting - for a phone call, for a note, for a smile, for caring words. being in this "relationship" kills your self-esteem, makes you feel unloved and far from "the special one".

i used to be head over hills over someone very similar to the guy you are dating now. ever since i know him, he treats me this weird way - extremely nice and caring but always emphasizing his independance. oh well, i forgot about him and started dating someone else. wasn't easy to move one but now, when i have no expectation from him and no feelings except for friendship, i feel SO much better. and, lol, he is far more attentive to me.

it's just that type of men i guess. used to female attention and once they have it, they look for more, elsewhere. one girl is not enough

what makes you think that he has feelings for you? just because he is nice from time to time? because of the way he looks at you? or says something? from what you wrote i seriously doubt he has any serious feelings for you, hon.

forget him. i'm not saying throw him out of your life, but accept that he is not the right guy for you and you deserve someone so much better. accept and live your life to the most without him. world is full of great guys - just open your eyes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 1:31pm
Leave. He has said he wants no relationship-and has hords of women around him--what would you be competing for? Being the next one he sleeps with? Leave- it s the best for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 2:30pm
I know your feeling it's hard to walk away from him. But man usually does not recognize good woman besides him when he loses her. If you still stay with him even know he meets other girls besides you and he knows that you know. He will lose his interests in you and he does not see your value. You should talk to him about your feeling how much you love him and you see he's nice to you. But you don't want to be with a man who goes out with many women....try to tell him you love him but you don't ask him to stop....he can do what he thinks right for him....tell him that you don't blame on him but you and him just dont fit. I think the man will recognize the loss when he really loses you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 9:13pm
I know its for the best to walk away now. If I dont, I am scared I will become what they call FWB. But I would really like to know how he feels about me (he's very evasive when it comes to r'ship).

Otherwise, he's been a great friend. He has given a lot of useful career advice etc. I dont want to lose him as a friend. Should I confront him about how I feel about this relationship or just quietly walk away and keep the friendship? It's a real struggle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 2:23pm
i guess several Qs to think thru are: what would confrontation give you? why are you holding on to him as a friend? what is it that you truly value in this friendship?

do what your heart feels is best for you - whether it's talking it thru with him or quietly leaving. it all depends on the relationship you have. i guess i'm just reluctant to advice definitely to talk it through coz you are not in strong committed relationship you want to end, where naturally he would need that conversation. chances are, he might not be keen to talk things through coz there's no problem for him.

maybe something to consider is distancing yourself from him and watching his reaction. if he doesn't respond in a way loving/caring guy would (and that means expressing true concerns and not seeing other girls), i'd just leave it without bothering to discuss

when you are completely over him, you can go back to friendship and who knows - one day say with a smile "at some point i thought it could work out between us. but it didn't"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:05pm
Hi! I think you should be the independent woman I think you are, and walk away. It doesn't matter if he's treating you nicely if he's still playing the field - you're getting hurt by his actions. You, like the rest of us women, deserve a guy who will be man enough to single you out from those vapid CATS vying for his attention. Your guy should make you feel like a princess; special, and genuinely treat you that way. If you want to remain friends, just friends, with this other fella, fine. But don't let him know that you've moved on and are searching for the "real deal". Let him see by your actions that he's not gonna waste your time; it might make him jealous. Your real-life imperfect Prince Charming is out there for you, girl. Just keep the faith that he'll be with you soon.