Should I talk to the "ex", or forget him
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Should I talk to the "ex", or forget him
| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 1:57pm |
HELP ME!!
Here's the condensed version of the story.. I was in a relationship with a man for the past eight years.. we love each other very much, but I am 26, he is 33.. and when it comes to motivation in life.. ie career, school.. he is less than interested! :(
I tried to tell him that those things were important to me.. We were engaged for three of those eight years.. I came home one day .. and sat down to relax.. and BAM!.. I had an anxiety attack :(.. they came everyday for like 2 weeks, and finally i went to my doctor, had bloodwork done, and started seeing a counselor, and a psychiatrist.. They both agreed i should start taking Paxil, and work on taking care of myself.
I realized that I was not happy in my relationship, so i left, and moved back in with my parents.. That was in November.. He is still calling, and instant messaging every day .. telling me how he will change, how much he misses me, loves me, and can't move on.. can't live without me.. WHAT DO I DO!! ?? :( ..I really do care about him.. but i know that for me to do anything with my life, I cannot get back together with him.. Even worse, we have mutual friends, and I feel like i can't talk to anyone, becuase everything I say gets back to him :(.. please give me a clue as to where im going wrong, or went wrong.. I just dont know what to tell him.. or what to do anymore.. I know I need new friends, simply because he knows every damn thing that i do.. every date I have gone on. .which really was only one since November !.. Thank you for your input..
-K
Here's the condensed version of the story.. I was in a relationship with a man for the past eight years.. we love each other very much, but I am 26, he is 33.. and when it comes to motivation in life.. ie career, school.. he is less than interested! :(
I tried to tell him that those things were important to me.. We were engaged for three of those eight years.. I came home one day .. and sat down to relax.. and BAM!.. I had an anxiety attack :(.. they came everyday for like 2 weeks, and finally i went to my doctor, had bloodwork done, and started seeing a counselor, and a psychiatrist.. They both agreed i should start taking Paxil, and work on taking care of myself.
I realized that I was not happy in my relationship, so i left, and moved back in with my parents.. That was in November.. He is still calling, and instant messaging every day .. telling me how he will change, how much he misses me, loves me, and can't move on.. can't live without me.. WHAT DO I DO!! ?? :( ..I really do care about him.. but i know that for me to do anything with my life, I cannot get back together with him.. Even worse, we have mutual friends, and I feel like i can't talk to anyone, becuase everything I say gets back to him :(.. please give me a clue as to where im going wrong, or went wrong.. I just dont know what to tell him.. or what to do anymore.. I know I need new friends, simply because he knows every damn thing that i do.. every date I have gone on. .which really was only one since November !.. Thank you for your input..
-K

Loving someone unfortunately not enough to make two people compatible. Even if you and he cared about one another, not having the same priorities, goals, wants and needs makes you incompatible, so you did the right thing by moving on. Missing the person after a breakup is normal, especially if he's been in your life for 8 years. But it's not a sign that you made a mistake in ending it.
There is a big difference between needing someone so bad you can't live or function without the person (unhealthy) and desiring to be with someone and hurting when that ends (healthy). A healthy relationship is based on a mutual desire and joy of being together -- not a need so desperate and deep that it overpowers your life in every area to the degree you cannot function when that need is unmet. Good luck in getting healthy.