should i tell him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
should i tell him?
1
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 2:25pm

This has been bothering me for a couple of weeks now.

I met a guy at work that I get along with quite well. We don't work together anymore, but I saw him again recently and we have met up to chat a couple of times. I know that I am attracted to him and I could definitely see myself with him. I also get the sense that he's attracted to me, too, but he is currently in a relationship and has been for about half a year.

I'm not necessarily shy, and I feel like I should just come right out and say something to him like, "I have feelings for you, and if you don't feel the same, I will back off." I don't really know the state of their relationship, as she doesn't live in the same town and I have never met her.

I don't want to be "the other woman", meaning I will not cheat with him if that's the kind of guy he turns out to be (although I sense that he is a decent guy who is also confused right now). I know how it feels to be "the girlfriend" in that situation.

However, I don't want to let this guy get away without at least telling him how I feel. I don't think I could be "just friends" with this guy without hurting. It's early on enough that if he didn't feel the same about me, I'd rather get over it now when I have less feelings involved.

Is it alright to tell this guy that's already in a relationship how I feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 2:40pm

It's not appropriate to make a play for a guy that has a girlfriend. And even if he is confused about what he wants, that doesn't make it appropriate to come on to him. If he didn't want to be with his girlfriend, he wouldn't be. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would take the proper steps to be with someone else. You're not letting the guy get away because he was never there.

The best you can do is move on. If it's too painful to be friends with him, then don't be. Perhaps later on, both of you will be single and can reconnect and perhaps form a relationship. But it's wrong to try and do so right now.