Should I Tell My Friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Should I Tell My Friend?
3
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 1:51am

Hi Everyone,

You probably guessed this from my title: my friend's new boyfriend hit on me, and I'm not sure what to do. They've been dating for about 2 months. Christy is being cautious, but lately she's been telling her friends that Jay is great, and everything's going really well, and she has high hopes for their future together. Well, tonight I met them both at a dinner party with some other friends, and Jay started rubbing his (shoeless) foot up and down my leg under the table. Then when we were all saying goodnight he hugged me and didn't let go when he should have.

I want: a) to keep my friendship with Christy exactly as wonderful as it is, and b) to warn her that Jay is a jerk. Should I tell her, before she gets her heart broken? Or keep quiet? What do y'all think?

Thanks for reading this. :)

-Freya

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 5:09am
At this point your friend is so in love with her new boyfriend that she is unlikely to hear you and may perceive you to be a threat to her newfound relationship. It is a very difficult bind to be in and I have been in your shoes before! One method you could try is to leverage the trust between the two of you to your advantage, meaning your friend has known you much longer and better than her new boyfriend. She likely trusts you more and knows that you are looking out for her. Tell her that your gut instincts say that this new boyfriend might not be 100% trustworthy around women. Even though she might not believe you, if you plant a seed of doubt, she will watch her boyfriend more closely. Just don't mention that you were the woman her boyfriend was hitting on! It might seem unscrupulous but in the end, if your friend realizes that her new boyfriend is an unfaithful lout, you will have saved her from greater heartache down the road.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 5:18am

Though I've been burned by this in the past, I still think you should tell her. And tell her straight-up. Yes, you may lose a friendship over it and it may become awkward. But I think at the end of the day, the truth needs to be told.


Let us know what you decide to do.


Kerry


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 11:14pm

I agree that the truth needs to be told, but the question is how?

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