Should i try again?
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| Sat, 03-11-2006 - 9:29am |
Hi,
Sorry my post is a bit long
I met a guy in November..Nice enuf kinda guy..we dated for a month and half before everything came tumbling over..The thing is, when i met him he told me that he didnt want to pull me into anything before he sorted things with his ex..So, in the month and half, we dated but we never had sex..It was the best time ever..I travel a lot in my job but he called me at my hotel whenever i was away and we would speak for as long as 3hours!I often expressed my concern over his phone bill but he told me he thought i was worth it.. We spoke everyday regardless of which part of the word i was in..We spoke of everything.I found him intellectually stimulating..We did stuff together that couples do..He picked me up from the airport often, bought me flowers etc..It was great. But the more time we spent, the more i wanted him physically but he reminded me of our pact..He really acted like the perfect gent..The more he seemed thoughtful of my feelings, the more i fell really hard for him..I had never met a guy who was that patient with me and yet i had no doubt he was very attracted to me..He showed it many other ways. anyway, one night i couldnt take it anymore and literally begged him to sleep with me..and he did..The sex was really lousy but i was willing to overlook it because i really liked him..
The following morning, he completely changed (i could immediately sense it).He began to let me down with the promises he made which was never the case before.After three days, he went home for the xmas holidays..He was away for 17days and not once did he phone or text me..I was devastated.. I was angry with him and myself. I knew my expectations of him somewhat changed but all i wanted was for him to remain the same..The day he got back, i called him..He seemed ok and said he would call me the following day..He did but the conversation was not the same..Very awkward..I didnt know what to do..I decided not to question him abt his silence over the holidays just so i didnt seem to smitten by him..and i decided to step back..and i figured he would bring it up himself. He did after abt a week..He asked to come and see me..He came over and unfortunately, i made the mistake of sleeping with him again - this time he initiated it..It was really stupid to do this and i think he could tell i regretted it..He then went on tell me that he thought it was time both of us thought abt what we wanted from this..Told him i agreed with him..He then told me hw would call the following day so we could talk..He didnt..He only called me like 4days later acting like nothing happened..In fact, it was just a text..
I got really angry and text him back to say that i was done pretending i was ok with the way he treated me..and that i felt angry and disappointed over so many things AND that he should do whatever he needed to do but quit pretending he cares abt me! He then text back sayin that he was really in shock over my message and that he really didnt know what to say to me..After that, he made NO contact in the last month..I know most of the mess is my fault.I shouldnt have tried to push things in the fast lane when they were not ready to go there yet..If i could reverse time, i would.
A few days ago, i had a very disturbing dream abt him, sent him a text to say i had a disturbing dream and wanted to know if he was ok..He then responded abt 2days later to say that he was ok but he felt barely alive..Sent a text to say that i hoped it was nothing serious..He then said it was just work draining him but he was goin on a sailing trip that night for the next 2weeks..I then responded that the trip would do him good and hoped he would have fun.
I REALLY like this guy and i dont know whether to let go and forget abt him OR try and reach out to him? Surely, if he wanted something with me, he would have called to see me right? I mean he was quiet for a whole month and he didnt even try to win me back..and now that i sent the text a few days ago, he could have asked how I was? he didnt! he could have called perhaps? was he just being polite in his responses? it took a lot for me to send that text to check on how he was..am a very proud person and i swallowed my pride and yet he has made no attempt to make things right..So, am i really overreacting? Would it be wiser to walk away?? or do i try again reaching out to him? Pleeeeeze help me make things right
Thanks!

I think you already tried to reach out to him and he's not being responsive. Personally, I would say to walk away. For whatever reason, he changed and he's not willing to work on it. Don't blame yourself. Yes, you initiated it but it takes two to tango. He's just as much to blame.
You deserve a guy who will run after you and will respond. Not one that is ambivalent about things.
Hope this helps. Let us know what you decide.
Kerry
Umm... it sounds to me like it would be in your best interest, to move on with your life. It just sounds as if you are merely "infatuated" with this guy. The "lousy" sex, is what gave it away, for me. And then lousy-sex, again... (i'm not sure what you expected to gain from that one..) however this guy is probably a great-catch, but the two of you just did not hit-it-off. And that happens sometimes. And it's not to imply anything negative about you. But, what the two of you had BEFORE the sex, probably needed more time develop.
As a general rule, you need to adopt this motto : NEVER suggest sex, to a guy. Let him be the one to give the "GO" signals. It just works out better, most times that way. I understand that you were ready, and once you asked, sure he obliged... but it really takes two to tango. And unfortunately, you were ahead of him and he just never caught up.
Cut your losses with this one, and better luck next time.
Toodles,
Cherry.