Should I try to get him back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Should I try to get him back?
3
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:04am

My boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me about 3 months ago but I still love him and am thinking about trying to get him back. It was just 3 months but it got serious quickly - met parents, said I love you's, and did not date anyone else. The one dark cloud over our relationship was a conflict of religion. I am Protestant and he is an Israeli Jew. In the end he couldn't be with me because I'm not Jewish. We're both not religious but it was still an issue for him because he wants to raise Jewish children. He was open to dating a Christian, which is how we started, but I was his first non-Jewish girlfriend, so he had to confront the issues for the first time. In the end I was open to conversion but he decided he could not be with someone who converted, but was only born and raised Jewish. He said he still loved me, that his feelings never changed and that he wanted to remain close friends. I saw him a couple of months later and he said he needed more time before he could see me and that he still loved me. I haven't spoken with him since, as the anger phase was settling in, but now I am in an "I want to get him back phase". I still love him very much and feel like I lost a great love I was just getting to really know. I am very much against his reason for leaving me and would be very upset if someone did this to a friend of mine. If I still have his heart, should I try to win back his mind when it comes to this issue that has divided us?

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:20am

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree. People are extremely cautious when it comes to religion, politics, etc. If he really wants to be with you, let it be his decision. If you force yourself into trying to get back with him, there may be love there initially, but eventually, he will stray back to the original reason he left. It's better that you allow the man to make the decision concerning this, than for you to try to get your desires met. If you decide for him that you should be together, he could end up resenting you later, because it turns out it's not what he really wants. I've had to deal with that many times. I've been told that if you influence a decision on a man, it may work out in the beginning, but if anything goes wrong, he has you to blame.

I wish you luck. I know how hard it is to be heart broken and be patient at the same time. I'm dealing with it now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 7:46am

"In the end I was open to conversion but he decided he could not be with someone who converted, but was only born and raised Jewish."

This guy sounds like a racist! Hey if two people of different faiths who love each other can't tolerate each other's religions, what hope is there for the world ?
Iri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 10:41pm
Hello fit2bsquare, welcome to the board!