should i wait

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
should i wait
5
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 7:40pm
Been dating this guy for 14 months. We have great chemistry both emotionally, physically & spiritually. We both will admit to that. We both are professionals, college educated, have no kids & share many of the same likes & dislikes. We live 45-60 minutes apart & see each other at least 2 times a month for weekend visits. He says we are moving toward being in a serious, committed relationship but the believes things should have a natural progression & does not want to force anything. This is why he does not want to say right now that he wants it to be today for us to be in a committed relationship. He asks me questions like, "What kind of house do I want later in life?", "What do I think about people saying women totally changing after married?" I often wonder where these life/future questions come from. He buys me gifts, calls and/or sends emails daily, very polite, open doors for me, pays when we go to restaurants (even though I volunteer to pay sometimes). I have met his sister, dad & stepmom (met dad & stepmom by accident...they happen to pop in town while we were preparing to go out to see a play). I have not met his mom who lives five-six hours away. He has not invited me to meet his mother as of yet. I know that is an important step. I don't know why I am focused on getting the title of "girlfriend" but I am. I feel like it has been 14 months already. He is a very slow decision maker about important decision; for example, buying a car, investing, and so forth. Any one who has ideas, suggestions, comments, I welcome all of them. I don't want to be a fool by waiting for someone who will never commit to a serious relationship. On the other hand, he is showing signs that he is leaning that way to a committed relationship.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ilovered76
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 11:41am
Before I try to answer further, I have a couple of questions. Have you specifically agreed to be exclusive and monogamous? Also, how old are each of you, and are either or both of you divorced?

Sheri


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ilovered76
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 6:18pm
Did I read your post correctly...at 14 months, you're not exclusive and you're not his girlfriend?? You just spend the weekends together twice a month? Essentially you've described a guy who is nice and shows you a good time...this is a friends with benefits relationship...which is nice for what is it, but it sounds like you need more from a relationship like commitment, a title of girlfriend, maybe even a ring at this time (yes, you've dated long enough to know). I would put a stop to this relationship this minute. I originally thought you were posting because this guy couldn't commit to getting engaged...but he can't even take it to being a couple? Get rid of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
In reply to: ilovered76
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:21pm
To answer your questions, I am 28 & he is 30. I am divorced, have been for 2 years. He has never been married. We are beginning to have conversations about being exclusive & monogamous; however, to make a long story short he wants to wait & feels we are moving towards that path. My thought is we have dated for 14 months & he should know by now if that is what he want to do.

Thanks for your help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
In reply to: ilovered76
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:23pm
Thanks for your input. I certainly appreciate it. This is the first time I have done the "message board" thing.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ilovered76
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:28pm
Ok...I thought that MAYBE you were already his gf in all but name and that the "committed r'ship" he was moving towards was engagement and marriage, but if he's only THINKING about being exclusive and monogamous after 14 MONTHS, I would definitely kick him to the curb. There's no way I'd date someone that long without AT LEAST that level of commitment. That's just ridiculous, IMO.

Sheri