Should a women make the first contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Should a women make the first contact
8
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 11:27am

I met this guy at a bar. We both didnt have that much to drink. I didnt flaunt myself. We had a good time chatting with each other. I didnt ask him to go home with me and he never asked me. I would of said no anyway. He would have been waisting his time. Anyway i know his full name and his work place. It has been several weeks since we met and my friend told me to call his work and make contact with him. Maybe make a date or give him my number so he can call me. Would'nt that make me seem desperate or just crazy? What shoud I do? Shoud I just let it go. I may never see him again. What would a guy think if a girl that he met at a bar contacted him at his work?

Please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 12:22pm

I think every man has his own thoughts about how he feels on everything, so you won't know how he will react or feel until he does, and I don't know anyone who can predict this. But... wait, lol... let's make it a big BUT, what do you have to loose? Him saying no? I would call him and ask if he would like to go for a coffee - no date, just something light to touch base again. Then if he does, and your interested - give him your number to put it back on him. Call me weird, but I like to have things swing back and forth since one sided gives me no idea if there is an interest.

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 1:10pm
Let him come to you!!! Guys like the chase!!! IF he is interested, he will contact you! Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 4:31pm
Why not go hang-out at that bar again to see if he's there? This is how guys work, to my knowledge. If he's hoping to see you there, he'll probably be there in the next couple of days or so after you do and his friends have told him you were there, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 6:39pm

I dont go to bars much. He said that he don't. He had a week of work so him and his buddys went out to the bar just to get out. He said the he don't drink very often. I dont know whrere he hangs out too. I wish I knew where he hangs out so i could check it out.

I have a kid so I cant get out when I want. Maybe I will just forget about him and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 7:44pm

Oops, Video is under Love & Sex, What Guys Want, Guy's Views on Being asked Out.

Point is lots of opinions, do what you want.

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 7:55pm
I never had sex with him, but maybe that was what he was just looking for. It was a bar. Losts of guys go to bars only to find a girl to have sex. That may of been his intentions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 8:58pm

Maybe, but it seemed like in your first post neither of you were going there (trying to sleep together) but chatting and flirting a little, and just didn't think of giving your numbers or think beyond the evening - happens. Don't know, only you really know.

I just don't see anything wrong with asking someone out for a coffee. I do it all the time and don't for one minute believe I'm chasing anyone. I'm letting the individual know there is something I like about them, even if I'm not quite sure what it is. Doesn't mean anything else other than I like coffee :). It's safe, no suggestion of a date like lunch or dinner. I'd also ask a co-worker, friend, or even a female I wanted to get to know better.

At that point if we do click a bit, I would give my phone number and leave it at that. If he calls he does, if not he doesn't. If there is no interest on my part, or I think there isn't on his I'd thank him for coming and leave it at that. Not always right, and sometimes I think there is no interest but they ask for my number. Again, if they call great, if not oh well. Not like I'm waiting by the phone either.

If he says no or I'm very busy, etc., I say okay np, have a great day. Would not offer my number. If he adds in, he will call and wants my number. I would give it but wouldn't wait for him to call.

At least by trying I'm not left wondering. Not big on creating scenarios of what if, why not, or creating thoughts in my head as to what he thinks or wanted. If I can't be open with someone, I already know they are not a match for me.

Cheryl