shouldn't he want to see me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
shouldn't he want to see me?
5
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 3:50pm
Okay, I have been exclusive with a guy for three months now. We met online and after talking for a loooong time, he had never asked to meet. So, I finally brought it up and at that point he agreed. We went out for a couple of weeks before he asked me to be exclusive with him to which I readily agreed. And for the most part things are great. We enjoy each other tremendously and always have fun when we are together. The thing is he never takes any initiative in seeing me. He never brings up us seeing each other--I always have to be the one to bring it up. Kind of a "Hey, when are we getting together again?" kind of thing. He doesn't call very often either prefering to communicate if he sees me on Instant Messenger. We tend to see each other once during the week for dinner and usually only once on the weekend. I've asked him about it and he says that he is used to building up to seeing each other more rather than starting out that way. (I'm used to starting out that way.) And when I mention about him never making plans with me, he just kind of listens to what I say, sometimes he will explain it away--with a well I never know ahead of time to be able to. So, what kind of advice can you give me? And shouldn't he want to spend more time with me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 5:03pm
In my opinion he should take more initiative during the "getting to know you" stage when most dating prospects are "breaking their humps" trying to impress the girl they meet. This is a guy who puts ZERO effort into anything he does in life, while others have to push him along. This tells me a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 8:28pm

I agree, he sounds lazy, and will probably leave everything up to you if your relationship progresses....

I don't like it....especially since you brought it to his attention and he did nothing to acknowledge your discomfort, just made excuses.....I think I'd move on...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 12:34am

I was thinking the same thing about the guy that I've been exclusively dating for almost 3 months now!

I usually bring up when we'll see each other next, but we usually both concur on what we'll be doing on that day...

Sometimes it bugs me, because in the beginning it was always HIM who would call me to come out to see me, and etc. And although, he still calls me every night, I wish I could see him more often. (Though, we manage to see each other at least once a week).

Perhaps they do this because they don't want to seem to be "crowding" us? Or maybe they're finished with "the game" and now it's our turn to play? Maybe he's just trying to find his comfort zone? Who knows...

But hey, have the satisfaction in knowing that you're still seeing him, and talking to him. I guess (hope) that once they've reached their comfort zones that things will look more on the up and up. Keep that patience going!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 2:18pm
From my own experience, I once dated a guy who sounds very much like this guy and it turned out to be that he was still not ready for a serious relationship and that was his way of showing it. He was also shy and not as easily able to express himself. Eventually it came out that we just wanted different things and we went our separate ways, but basically his actions were showing what his words could not. I'd say just state what you need from the relationship and then back off and see what he does. Give him enough time to do this. If he does not make any effort tell him that you are concerned about whether or not you both have the same relationship expectations.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 4:21pm

There's a simple solution, really, but surprisingly, few women are willing to risk the chances.


Don't call, don't suggest getting together.

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