The Shy City Girl VS The Cowboy
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| Sat, 05-15-2004 - 11:37am |
Once upon a time there was a uprooted city girl, that found herself in the middle of farmland and the land of cowboys and bucklebunnies. She hardly felt at home, she did not really know anyone and felt like she stuck out like a sore thumb.
But when she found and landed a great new job, she felt a bit more at ease. However who knew she would meet a unlikely man, who would spin her world upside down and smack her in the head with the idea that someone TOTALLY unlike her could be just what she was looking for.
This guy, a cowboy, a bullrider none the less...was nothing like her past boyfriends. He was awkward and a little immature, but she saw something in him and had an instant crush. She liked the way he "picked on her" it was always innocent, and like him a little awkward and immature. But endearing and sweet at the same time.
He seemed to like her, and she knew she liked him. But her co-workers said things like "Who could like HIM" and "How could anyone be attracted to THAT"...and inside she felt a little ashamed at herself, but really who cares? The heart wants what the heart wants. And who are they to judge?
He asked her if she was single, which she was. And he made her grin from ear to ear everytime he even walked past her desk.....She noticed things about him that normally would have turned her off. Things that might turn most off, but her crush pushed past these things.
Then one day her co-worker had the brillant idea of putting a post-it note on a report the city girl had typed for her bullriding crush. The note said something about her getting a crush on him, if he kept bugging her like he did. And even though it was based on truth, when she heard from another co-worker (one who had already asked her out and she had turned down because of her secret crush) told her that her crush was "worried and freaked out" over the note....she lied and told her crush it was ONLY a joke and she did not in fact like him. Plus the bullrider confessed he was some what against personal relationships at work.
Embarassment does crazy things to ones head. But the next day, her co-worker the same one who thought up the brillant note idea...told the crush that infact the city girl DID like him. And that though she respected his policy of strictly friends, that she simply wanted to get to know him. And either way that was ok.
He confessed that his reasoning behind the friends only policy was because of bad relationship that had taken place between two other co-workers in the past. However the city girl knew this would not become their fate, if he only gave her a chance. But she also did not want to push it or him.
Shortly after her co-worker told the cowboy these things....he stopped harassing and joking with the city girl...and everyone was confused. Even the other co-workers questioned his change. They said that the city girl had thrown a "wrench into the cowboy and now he was confused" or maybe he was just being "lame". They all thought he liked the city girl, and had since day one. And then POOF he just stopped.
So the shy city girl broke down and called the cowboy, leaving a very rambling message on his cellphone. Joking like they use to do..that she liked him, and that she respected his policy and that she shared it..but there was just something about him (which there was). And that she was not scary, and he did not need to avoid her..because she wanted no weirdness or awkwardness at work between them. And no matter if he was or wasnt interested, that she wanted to be friends. She left her number hoping he would call..but knew he probably would not.
He didnt. Even though that was only a few days ago.
Since the phone msg, the cowboy has started his joking again. And is starting to come back around. He is even moving near the city girl...not on purpose. But did ask where she lived...and was driving around their new neighbourhood...when they crossed paths. He and the shy city girl, pretended to not notice eachother though. But he had no reason to be in that neighbourhood yet...and she wished she had at least waved.
Now the shy city girl sits typing this story out. Hoping someone might have some advice..what can she do..or is there anything she can do, to bring this cowboy around?
She understands his policy...even though everyone including the cowboy have made it known its more that he isnt sure about how strict the policy is.
She knows she is not the type of girl that is hard to get along with after a break up, all her ex'es are still her close friends. There is no weirdness with any of them.
And there is just SOMETHING about the awkward cowboy that has captured something inside of her. And she does not remotely want to push him away, by being pushy or overbearing...though that would be hard since she is shy.
But she simply wants to get to know him better...as friends. And see if maybe the cowboy will see something inside of her..that captures him.
The End...but yet hopefully the beginning
And just so its really clear...if he truly sticks to his policy. I will totally respect that. But right now, its more a nervous thing than anything else. I should have made that more clear before.
I would be upset...but I would never put him a position where he felt weird at work. In fact we hardly even work together. But that isnt really the issue.
I mean he has asked if Im single...he flat out harasses me like you would someone in highschool..you know pick on the one you like. And though he is like that with a lot of other people. He is different with me.
Its hard to explain.
I mean if people that have known him years think he likes me....does that count for anything?
I am mostly wondering how I can go from where we are now...to just hanging out watching a movie as FRIENDS.....or if we even can. I want to get him know him more and let him get to know me. But I also do not want to freak him out.
Any ideas?
Or am I barking up the wrong tree with him?
Im just worried about being the one to make the move...because he was so freaked out by a very tongue and cheek post-it note..like I said in the "story". He was unsure of what to do.
But the other male co-worker who asked me out...and I turned down. Said that he would talk to the guy I like, and see where I stand. Is this really the smartest move? He hasnt yet. And I am unsure that it would be a smart move. But at the same time, Im really shy. And I am scared too!
Part of me feels that my crush just never thought I would go for him, because well we are so very different. Im a city girl on the outside..for sure. I like hip hop and rap, and I dress like Im from the city...I know how odd that sounds..but if you were from here or even visited here you would understand. Its a town of 2500 people tops. And people just are different than me. But he has said a FEW times I havent found a girl from HERE I would date..and Im not from here :P
I am very worried about coming on too strong..and I mean if I tell him I only want to go slow..and he isnt interested..that will make things weird. I think.
I have in so many words already said that on the phone msg.
Do I let this other male co-worker ask him how firm this policy..or nervous thing is? Maybe it is firmer than we are all assuming...maybe he does like me..but since we work together..it wont happen.
Which I get...I do. But it is frustrating..because Im so not that girl..Im not hard to get along with. Im not a bad person to break up with..I know how 'odd' that may sound. But Im serious when I say I do not have one single ex-boyfriend...I am not good to best friends with. And no this is not a one sided statement LOL.
I suppose none of that matters..if this is truly his stand.
But then I think..how does he know we might be perfect for eachother?
You know?
I mean is us hanging out and becoming better friends...even if I still have a crush on him..that bad?
And if not..how do I get there? Without scaring him..and without coming on too strong and not putting myself out there too much.
Thanks for the replies by the way
And awesome forum :P

While there's no profile on you...Pianoguy hopes you'll fill one out! He also thinks you should seriously consider writing short stories or children's books! Your words are very descriptive and most importantly, they COME FROM THE HEART!
Having said this, I'm sure you realize that shyness can be a detriment...as well as an asset! Some of us 'aggressive males' (like the fellow you're interested in) are able to 'comfortably connect' with a shy woman like yourself. And there are others who CAN'T! An aggressive or outgoing male can feel somewhat awkward around a shy female! (Most women involved in a reverse situation don't usually have this problem)
You pointed out that this man was TOTALLY DIFFERENT from the other types of men you had dated in the past. You indicated that your friends didn't think the match was very good to begin with...and also...that this gentleman had been "burned" by 2 co-workers in the past!
So if you were in HIS shoes...would you be anxious to try for a "3rd failure" at the workplace? I doubt it...
Since YOU already telephoned him and he didn't respond to your phone call...why not let nature takes its course with this relationship? One of two things will happen. He'll continue to ignore you...or...as he gets comfortable with you when he's "joking around"---he MIGHT realize that YOU are a woman with plenty of terrific qualities? Be advised that it's HIS TURN to make the next move if your relationship is supposed to go anywhere!
Granted...it's frustrating to be so close to a person you'd LOVE TO BE "IN LOVE" WITH...but there are individuals on this planet you'll only have as good friends...with nothing more to come!
If you are supposed to be with this man "somewhere down the road" (quoting the Barry Manilow song here)...then approach this relationship as a FRIEND would! Don't push, rush or make the man feel like you're expecting anything more. If the waiting time is starting to frustrate you...go out with groups of people or give another 'interested male' a chance to date you!
"Que Sera Sera"...an old song from a Doris Day movie...is definitely appropriate in your case.
Best wishes and good luck from another writer---as well as a musician.
Pianoguy (who occasionally dreams of finding a woman like you!)
He has never dated or been burned by anyone in the work place. I think you or made some mistake there.
And no one thinks we are a bad match, they just dont think he is "match" worthy. They do think I am too good and (I cannot believe I am admitting this) to attractive for him. Which I think is utter garbage..there is no such a thing. You cant help who you are attracted too.
I agree with the group date thing. And I totally agree with the friends first thing. Its just seems like its at a point, where he might think I only want to be more than friends. And though that is some what true, I would much rather be friends first before ever jumping into to something. But how do I get him to that point? How do I say or do..something so he knows I am not looking for more than just friendship?
I would really like to just go see a movie or something..something non "date'ish" lol.
Any ideas?
And Im adding a profile right after replying to this :)
Thanks for your reply as well.
Maybe I misread your original post, but didn't you indicate that this man had been with 2 women in the workplace earlier...and the relationships didn't work out? (I apologize if this information is incorrect...Pianoguy answers a lot of these in one sitting).
Okay....you want to be friends with this man and possibly something more? Let's start with your movie idea. Create a nice invitation (computer or handwritten...just make it look official with a lot of piz-zazz!) Write it out this way:
" has been chosen to attend the premiere screening of (Fill in the name of a movie here) on . Your only requirement will be to pick up your escort (AND THAT'S GONNA BE YOU!) at approximately (insert time and location here)." You might want to include your phone number on this invitation too...that way he can confirm the fact he received it!
Leave the invitation in his mailbox at work...or mail it to his home several days before the date occurs. It'll be your job to set the evening up by covering the cost of the movie and possibly, dinner! If the guy you want to date is the slightest bit curious, you're gonna get a phone call or a visit at your work station from him within 24-hours!
If neither the phone call nor the visit happens...accept the fact that this man will only be your good friend and after that...STOP PURSUING HIM! An over-aggressive woman can bother a few of us!
Hope this helps? I have to play for a restaurant in about an hour---which means I've got a "date" with a hot shower! GOOD LUCK!
Pianoguy
A girl I work with took the liberty of asking him herself. She kept it cool, and wasn't like "Nic wants to know...".
But it's good to know though...But so frustrating.
I mean if you like someone, shouldn't you at least give it a chance?
Im not so attached to this job that I would stay if we did start up...but there is no way I would tell him that. It sounds terrible!
Im so sad. And I barely know why, there is just something about him. I was just captured.
Oh well :(