Shy guy?
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Shy guy?
| Sun, 03-21-2004 - 9:55pm |
Help! I need some insight! I met a man and we had instant chemistry and talked for about three hours straight - no awkward pauses. He's 38, I'm 30. We talked easily about life and work and similar interests. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He then walked me home and when we said goodbye it was kind of awkward because it felt like we were on a date and he was dropping me off because we had been talking for so long. We both went in for a hug and I don't know if he was trying to smooch me or what. I gave him a peck on the cheek and he said he'd call me. He hasn't called and I've run into him a few times since then, but we have only exchanged pleasentries - no conversations. He seems kind of shy...Anyway, do you think he is shy or just not interested or what??!! I'm finding the situation perplexing, and it's driving me nuts. It was so obvious we had chemistry. Any thoughts on the situation would be great and/or is there anything I should/shouldn't do.
Thanks in advance!
C Mello

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There needs to be more than just chemistry. Maybe he is involved with someone else or just met someone else he hit it off with more. Who knows, and it doesn't matter. It's time to forget about him.
You have done all you could plus he has your number. You did nothing wrong. Take care
I hope I offered something to at least think about. You know the situation better than anyone and you will make the best decision for you. You too have done nothing wrong; take ownership of the situation!
Good luck!
Let me throw a few thoughts into the mix, just for variety.
First of all, I don't believe you mentioned how long it has been since you gave him your number.
He might be waiting (X)days to call. I can't believe some of the suggestions that guys give to other guys - you might be quite entertained by some of the posts at askmen.com. Apparently the guys have at least one set of crazy "rules" themselves.
Go on with your life. He calls when he calls. What's important is what happens after that. Is he a good person? Are you interested in him? Is he good to you? I think questions like this are much more important than how many days it takes him to call.
While I can't get inside his head, I can tell you that he would probably appreciate a friendly and open response as you continue to run into him. Guys are people too, and often an indication from you that he's likely be successful if/when he takes the risk of asking you out will result in his taking action.
There is a least one woman on this board who very vocally takes the view that any reticence on a man's part is a clear sign that "he's not that into you", and also that anything other than boldness in a man means lack of spine/value/whatever. I encourage you not to view men that way! Men are people just as we are, and they are put in the position of putting it out there for us. If we make it easy for them to feel comfortable to ask us out, they happily do so. Even so, sometimes they have to work up the nerve, but that's ok.
If it takes him awhile, who knows what the reason is? Maybe his car is in the shop, maybe he has a buddy from college visiting from out of town. Could be anything.
Guys are people too, and I'm not a man-hater, I don't think all guys are dogs, evil, cheaters, etc. We're all individuals on this earth. I am a friendly person and will continue to exchange pleasentries, etc when I do run into him. It's inevitable that I run into this guy at least once a week. Not only do we frequent the same neighborhood pub, he lives a block away from me. If nothing else, we have the same interests, same type of future plans for travel, similar jobs, same hobbies, same view on life...that being friends with him would be great too.
I just wish I wasn't SO perplexed by him...
"any reticence on a man's part is a clear sign that "he's not that into you", and also that anything other than boldness in a man means lack of spine/value/whatever."
Really? that is a silly theory, I agree. I do believe that a man who is emotionally available, otherwise available and sincerely interested in a woman will ask her out on a date and make sure that he stays in regular touch - typically calling at least once a week to plan a date once a week. Typically, with some exceptions, a man who will not put in the effort to ask a woman out for a drink or a meal or a walk in the park is just not that into her and I for one don't waste my time on lukewarm interest from a man. I have never thought that asking someone out on a date was a bold move - I have done it - it wasn't bold - it just was initiating a date - and men who are sincerely interest will make the effort - it doesn't take much - to initiate asking the woman for a date.
Hey - so how is it going with that guy you decided to pursue? Well, I hope.
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