Shy guy or not???
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| Sat, 10-20-2007 - 4:02pm |
I've been dating this guy for a little over a month. He seems like a great guy and even though we've been dating a month and a half, we've only gone on two "official dates."
It's not entirely his fault, I've had to go out of town once or twice on the weekends and he is out of town this weekend and I am out of town next weekend. The last date we had I thought went pretty well, he grilled me with a lot of questions and I was definately unsure whether he was going to even contact me at all afterwards. But he did. He texted me once on Tuesday morning (which I didn't really respond to b/c I decided I was going to wait and call him later that night) and when I didn't text back he sent me a random text again about 3:30 in the afternoon as well (which I was surprised at because the second text seemed extremely random, like he was previously waiting for me to text him back automatically, when it's usually the other way around). I then called him that night just to chat and it was a good conversation.
On Thursday, I then texted him again to see if he was going to the volleyball game at the high school (I coach volleyball.but not for the school and he coaches basketball) because the last time I told him I was going to be there, he showed up. He wrote back "Don't Know" and he didn't come to the game. So I was a little disappointed. Though he didn't give a definite "Yes" or "No" to the question. Granted, he was going to a basketball clinic on fri. and sat. 4 hours away.
So I am not sure what to do. I texted him Friday just to tell him to enjoy his bball clinic. He didn't text back but I wasn't really expecting him too. I asked him on one of our dates if he was shy and he said he was. Though all the times I've talked to him he didn't really seem that shy. He does resort to texting...a LOT. I want to try to change that which is why I decided to call him on Tues.
I work in the same small town that he does. He works at the elementary school as a teacher and I work at a business in town,though I live about 30 minutes away. I want to try to get the ball rolling more on the dating thing, so I am thinking that maybe next week I will see if he wants to meet for dinner or something after work, since I am going to be out of town that weekend. I'm just really scared to..I'm afraid he'll say "No" or "Sorry I can't"..and of course it will disappoint me. I am wondering if maybe he really is shy..the last time we went on the date I texted him and see if he wanted to go biking that Sat. and he is the one that texted back and said "lets go to a movie." So maybe he is shy but face to face he doesn't show it. He's a tough guy, likes to appear tough, and not really show that much emotion. So I can't really tell.
I have been told that he is old fashioned, so maybe he is trying to take it slow. I don't want to scare him away. I also should add that I am always constantly waiting for the "ball to drop" in relationships. During my past relationships, the breakups tended to come out of nowhere, or when I lease expected. So I constantly worried if the next conversation me and this guy have is going to be "This isn't working" or "We should still be friends" What do you all think?
Edited 10/20/2007 4:30 pm ET by shinystar24

Yes, I remember your previous post about him.
I see what you're saying. But this guy doesn't strike me as the "jerkish" type. Yes he did ask me a lot of pointed questions (which just means he was cutting to the chase..he's older and knows what he wants, so why waste time), not affectionate (granted, it was our 2nd date, and he has been described as "old fashioned" and not a touchy feely type of guy. I am wondering if this would change as he would get to know me, if he wanted to continue seeing me later on down the road), and he didn't introduce me (this kind of bothered me, but maybe he was nervous or didn't really know what to call me..I don't know about this one).
Which is why I brought up the question, maybe he is shy, and this tough guy image is just that..an image. He's kind of jockish, and more than likely does not know how to relate to girls. The fact he asked some of those questions makes me think he does want to start a family and eventually get married one day. He was very figgity on our date (especially in the movie) and could not sit still.
I want to hang out with him more just to see if it is just nerves and see if he eventually will feel comfortable around me. It could be I am making him nervous or I am sending some bad signals..I don't know. It is pretty early on in the dating process and maybe he feels he wants to take more time. Only time will tell I guess.
But as of now I am wondering if I should text him maybe Mon. or Tues. or if I should wait and see if he communicates to me. I figured if he communicates to me, then I could casually bring up dinner. But I am unsure of the response :( What do you think?
You are obviously okay with him not being touchy feely and his direct manner of speech with you, which is important.
Nerves do play a part in how some people behave on their first few dates. Sometimes people overcompensate and they nauseate their date by being too touchy feely or too overly polite or they stiffen up and then act like this is the first date they have ever had in their lives.
That's really good advice. He didn't say he would call or anything when he got back. So I was going to give it a day or two before I called to see if maybe he wanted to meet for a bite to eat after work or something.
It's hard to cook together because I live about 30 minutes away from where I work and he works in the same town as I do (though he said on our date that I should move closer to work).
The only thing that really bothers me about this is the fact the relationship is going sooooo slow. Granted, I did hear he is "old fashioned" and really "laid back." But I am wondering why he is taking it so slow. At times I had thought, well he may not be interested, then he'll do something to make me think otherwise. Maybe he is just a slow mover and as stated above, maybe shy...and finds it hard to make a move so soon after our first real date. Anyways, only time will tell. We'll see how this week goes :)
I'm not sure how old fashioned and laid back compute to moving slow with a relationship.
Well, I have reached the end of this rollercoaster. I texted him Tuesday to see if he wanted to grab a bite to eat after work this week (I also made sure to text him at lunch b/c then I knew he would get it), and it is now Wednesday night and no response. I guess I should have seen this coming.
The thing that bothers me is after our date last week, he did show signs of interest by texting twice and then i talked to him that night and he was normal. But after that, basically nothing happened. He was out of town that weekend so I didn't text him again till Tuesday..which brings me to today..no response.
I've decided it's best not to pursue this further. I believe if someone wants to be in a relationship they will try to give at least 50/50. This felt to me, more like 80/20. I was initiating, I was calling, I was texting, he took me out on the date, but I initiated the date. A friend of mine who knows him said that he had always been "the cute guy" in school and the girls would chase him.
But I am not a "chaser." And I think to be in a relationship, you shouldn't have to be. It should come natural. I also shouldn't have to continually remind this guy of my existence. With that said, I am cutting off all communication with him and trying to forget about him. It's just not worth it. If he does decide to ever communicate back to me, then I will talk to him but he better have a darn good explanation, and we would definately have to have a talk about his communication skills and where he sees this going. But more than likely, I will not be hearing from him.
With that said, I still am really bummed about this one. We had a lot in common and could have done a lot of fun stuff together. It also makes me look back and realize this is the 2nd guy recently that has done this to me. What's wrong with me? I really do consider myself low maintenance, and I am pretty easy to get a long with....So what now??
Sorry to hear about your disappointment.