Shy men & 1st dates... sigh...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Shy men & 1st dates... sigh...
11
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 4:44pm
Yesterday I had a wonderful 1st date with a really sweet guy who I have a lot in common with. He's known to be kind of shy, but yesterday everything was just great...the conversation flowed well, he had a lot of interesting things to say & was also interested in what I had to say. He smiled at me a lot (big turn on), made eye contact, etc... we laughed, ate, flirted, and chatted... the "vibe" was there...I could certainly sense that we were both interested, & I was in such a good mood due to how well it went.

Things were peachy like this until he dropped me off at my apartment building. As we approached my building in his car, he did a complete 180 and was suddenly super quiet, didn't look at me much and it seemed like he was eager to get outta there as fast as possible. We exchanged a little kiss on the cheek & that was it... I was surprised because he was so open and receptive (and giving) during the date...I made sure to tell him that I'd had a wonderful time with him & that I looked forward to doing it again...

Then I walked up to my apartment wondering if I'd accidentally sprayed on "Man Repellent" instead of perfume.

So is this guy a)totally not intersted in me, or b) shy & dreads that awkward moment at the end of the 1st date?

ciaociao

Tina

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 4:51pm
I would say probably "B" but you'll just have to wait and see. You said you made it abundantly clear that you enjoyed yourself and would like to see him again, so...the ball is in his court. Give it a week and if you don't hear anything -- shrug your shoulders, say "too bad" and move on. Whatever his issues are -- they are his and not yours. And unless the feelings are *mutual* he isn't the right guy for you. Please don't contact him. Shyness is an overused excuse IMO. If he's interested in seeing you again and is able to be part of a healthy relationship, he WILL call you. If not...he's not the guy for you. Good luck!
Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 4:52pm
Calm down, I think you're shy guy probably likes you and just felt AWKWARD! He sounds like a gentleman (how rare that is!); my now beloved S/O was the SAME WAY! We did not kiss until our third date; but it was worth the wait! He didn't want to come off as too forward, so it was nothing but pecks and hugs the first few dates!

See if he follows up for another date or two. If he does, he certainly likes you! Take it slow, as it seems he wants to (in a physical way).

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 5:11pm
Hey Bell I have a similar story to tell you that I just remembered. I can't believe I forgot this! When my husband and I had our first date it also went great and we hit it off, etc. Then when the date was ending (we met briefly for coffee), I was about to ask him if he'd like to go for a drink but he abruptly ended it by saying goodbye and nice to meet you etc. in a very quick way, and then he drove off and left me standing with my mouth open. I couldn't believe it and I actually cried a little bit in my car b/c I was so disappointed it ended like that and I couldn't for the life of me think what I did to make him change so quickly. Anyway....later on I asked him about it and his explanation truly showed me the differences in the ways people think (and how misinterpretations and assumptions over someone else's behavior can really mess you up)!

He said, "I liked you so much...I figured the more time I spent with you the more chances I'd have of screwing it up." ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 5:21pm
This is the fun part of dating - you get to wait for his call. I never listen to what a man says at the end- I have had fabulous dates where the man never called and icky dates like last friday where he didn't say he would call and did and told me what a wonderful time he had (huh?? - he kept on with the subtle and not so subtle put downs, but ok).

Just be patient and keep busy and distracted - waste of time to analyze.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 10:25am
I had a similar situation happen to me once, the guy was very shy and I even sensed that he was into me more than I was into him. However when the date ended and he was dropping me off and he got really quiet, and I just said to him that I had a good time, thanked him, and leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek---and he did nothing, not even an "I'll give you a call sometime". So--since I sensed that he did like me, and that he froze up when it came time to say goodnight--I knew his screen name and casually just said hello to him online the next day and after that we started dating (and that was the only chasing I did, if you can even call it that, I like to think I sort of gave him a kick start). Later on he told me that he wasn't very good at first dates and that he was so nervous he had no idea what kind of impression he had left on me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 10:54am
How long did you date and who put in most of the effort?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:40am
Hey gals, he called last night to my surprise, and we chatted a while and scheduled a second date! I guess he really was just nervous...

YAY!!!!

Thanks for the advice, it's nice to have others to talk to when I'm agonizing over things.... :o)

Tina

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 10:29pm
It sounds like this guy was totally interested in you and cared enough to be unsure of how to end the date, wanting to make you happy first and foremost. He probably didn't want to be too forward and didn't want to be too unforward. It is sometimes very awkward for guys having to be the lead all the time, next time, however he ends it, just let him know that you had the most wonderful time on your date and thank him for that kiss, that will give him more confidence the next time around. Or if you have his email , or could give him a call and let him know that now, even better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 1:00pm
We dated for a couple of months....and he definately put in most of the effort (he initiated most of the phone calls and all the dates)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 6:54pm
Well, that isn't an example for me of a success story where the woman did the initiating - for me that would be a long term healthy happy and committed relationship - that does happen but it is rare, I believe.

Pages