Sick of being alone
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| Sat, 05-26-2007 - 6:57pm |
I've been a single mother for two years. Two long years... I have guys approach me, problem is... nothing seems to come out of these approaches. They're either married, complete idiots, or there's no chemistry.
Now I am waiting for two guys to call, and none calls. One is an old friend of my brother's that came to visit after years of not seeing each other. My brother went to talk on the phone and this guy and I ended talking alone on the porch. I was telling him about how my ex husband cheated on me and he said "Why would he do that, you're such a pretty girl" and things like "When you hang near my campus, alert me and I'll go with you". I was completely surprised cause I had never even had a conversation with him. But I said... "So here's my number so we can hang out one day"... Maybe he is waiting to call when we can hang out in the town he goes to college in, like we talked about. He starts classes there June 6.
The other guy is a guy that I met two years ago trying to solve the marital problems I had then. He is a court counselor. Since then I'd see him like 3 more times when I was at court. He always asked me how were things and everything and if I was already divorced.
Last Tuesday I was at court and he saw me and came and asked again how was everything. We couldn't talk much cause I was in a line and they called my name, so he asked for my number so we "could talk more relaxed later". It's Saturday and he hasn't called.
What's the matter? Can't some approach materialize in the companion I need? Both these guys seem great but none calls.

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Thank u all for your responses and advice. I know there is someone perfect for me. I know someday I'll meet him. It's just that the talking, cuddling, partnership, etc. that I need now, I'm not getting that and that puts me down. I have friends, but you know that's not the same as a boyfriend or date.
None of the two guys have called. I've been wondering if I should call. Maybe if I call things can move forward and I can stop being so alone in the love department. Do some guys like the woman to call? Or... If they haven't called it means that they are not that into me anyway? But if that's so... Why did they ask for my number????
I see, you exchanged numbers with these guys. The idea of calling them - depends on the interaction you had with each of these guys when they took your number and what your impression of them was at that time. Over time, I have noticed that guys who do the calling are more interested in the woman THEY call.
There is no science to it. You have to go with your gut. I would normally assume that if a guy doesn't call, he's not interested. And for me it has usually worked out that way. But...other people cite different experiences. Why would they take your number if they were not interesting in calling you? In your case, they may have taken your number because they were interested, but maybe not at that exact moment...like maybe they plan on breaking up with the girl they are with at that moment and would think of calling you later on. The only way you'll know for sure is if you ask them.
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Hon, you are looking to others to fill needs that only you can fill. No one can take away your loneliness - its on you to fill your own emotional needs such that when you are ALONE you aren't overwhelmed with loneliness (Alone and loneliness are not the same)
When you KNOW what your true needs are vs what you want, only then can you find ways to keep your tank full whatever your cicumstances.
Having a partner is a want - not a need. There is an assessment that you can locate online called the NeedLess Assessment that can help you identify what you basic needs are so that you can work on getting them and keeping them filled for yourself.
If we always rely on other people to fill our needs - we will always be in a state of lack - because the majority of them are doing the same things. What a wonderful place this world would be if everyone knew what their own primary needs where so that they could keep them filled!
Toni
Hi toni,
I know many people look onto others to fill their needs, they're called "codependents". I'm not one of them. If I were, I would still be married to my son's father. He was a VERY bad husband.
I decided to get him out of my life two years ago and I've been a single mother since. I know what I want from life and what my needs are. I work and am independent.
I've been single all this time because of that, because I'm not clinging to the first idiot (and there's been some) that comes along, looking for him to "fill my needs". I only give thought to guys that seem to be of quality, and those are very few. I said I was "alone in the love department"... not that I am a lonely person.
I think having a partner IS a need. Just like the need to relate with your family, have friends, have children, etc. Those are emotional needs. That's why God created Eve.
However... although it's not my case... your advice is right... a person has to be happy and fullfilled by themselves first. No person can be responsible for one's well being and happiness.
we'll have to disagree about a partner being a need - it might be for you. I don't know. I know for me that I prefer to be with people because I have a need to be included and cared for. That could be from a commited partner - which I am without at the moment - or it can be from family and friends. We are generally social creatures - some require more relationships than others and in different ways.
bascially, when our needs and desires are filled, we are happy. If my happiness is contingent on the cooperation and presenceof another person, then odds are great that I'm going to be unhappy quite a bit in life - because my 'need' of a partner isn't filled. But if my need is actually something deeper - such as a needd to be loved, cared for, included, or something else entirely and it seems to be best filled by the presence of a partner, then I have control over keeping that need filled when there is no partner in my life. And having a partner doesn't guarantee that these needs will be filled. If this were true, then more people would be happy in their relationships. But, if these needs are filled, even without having a partner, the probability of being well balanced and content with life is pretty darned high.
Just food for thought.
Toni
It applies to anyone. You need to be happy with yourself and a partner is just the icing. I know it can get lonely. I felt the same way sometimes, but not for long because I have so much fun with my family, friends or just on my own! I definitely was never ever depressed because life is just too short and too good. I don't need a guy to be happy! And it would be SO LAME if I did.
As for these guys, honestly, if it's been x number of days/weeks already I don't think it would be romantic if they called at all. If they haven't called after a few days, then they must not be that excited to see me and I don't want them anywayz. Raise the bar.
Just go on rockin out your life. I know it sounds so sappy, but I really believe that love finds *you* and when you're least expecting it.
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