sick of being single

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
sick of being single
4
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 7:13pm
I consider myself being single for years. Although I've never had problems to get a date, it never lasts more than 2 months which is not enough to establish a relationship. So I become single again before it gets serious. I can't figure out where the problem is...ALL my friends are married or have bf/gf.... I really want to be with someone more than a month. I started feeling desperate and I'm afraid THAT look will appear on my face pretty soon, if not yet. Guys are more likely to go on a date with me and it would last for another month or two but that's it. They go away with some lame excuse.

I found myself not living a normal life because of this. I'm not happy and I realize that no one can MAKE me happy but me...But I can't make myself happy. I'm trying to but I can't.

What do I do? .....


Edited 5/12/2004 7:21 pm ET ET by two_way
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 8:24pm
Oh gosh, I can SO RELATE with you!!!! I feel exactly the same way - only I can give you a compliment - you are doing better than I am. You manage to keep things going a month or 2... I can't get past 2 weeks. I wish I had the answer... I, too, feel like I am a great person with a lot to offer a guy and a relationship... and I'm not looking for marriage, just someone to enjoy life with. I think maybe some of us just have a lot of bad luck with dating... I truly believe there is nothing wronng with us or how we approach things, especially if you are being yourself... that is the best way to be.

I sometimes feel so lonely and depressed ... .everything else in your life can feel like it's great but missing that relationship and it can become a real focus. My only advice is to keep out there... date lots, and hold your head high. it is really hard sometimes to pick up the pieces and move on, I struggle with it almost daily, so I know your pain. One thing I've done to help cope is take to fitness... I'm training for a half-marathon. It gives me strength, motivation to achieve something and is actually a way to possibly meet someone (certainly no hopes just an idea)

hang in there.. I have to believe there is someone out there for us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 10:27pm
I don't think you guys do anything wrong. I have a lot of friends who are in the same boat and I have been single now for a while, too. It is hard to find someone with the same interests and it is hard to find someone available who has enough time and who wants to be in a committed relationship.

BUT the REAL problem is in how you look at yourselves. There is nothing wrong with you because you have not met a SO yet. You need to work on your life so it is so good that you will not complain about being single.

Just the other day I was picking up my son from school and I saw all of the other moms. They are tired and stressed from their kids and their husbands and have no time or freedom. Do you realize how huge it is to have all this freedom? Very huge. Here is my list that I will share for why I like to be single right now. I know this is a stage and I have faith that the right person will come along and that I won't be single forever.

- can spend money on anything I want

- don't get gifts I don't like

- put something down in my house and it stays put

- less laundry and cleaning

- can eat anything I want

- have lots of time for myself - for reading, hobbies, cooking and SHOPPING

- can go and see any movie any time - chick flicks without fights!! :-)

- can decorate my house any way I want

- can spend lots and lots of time on my hobby

- have lots of guy friends with no hassles

- no expectations or broken heart

- no inlaws

- holidays are less stressful

- lots of time to work out - I have my 17 year old body back - am size 2 and 42

- have trip to Sweden this summer

- can go anywhere I want for vacation

- spent Xmas budget on MYSELF - not buying tons of presents for people I don't like (aka inlaws!!!)

NOW - it did take a while for me to get there. But I am there!! This princess is waiting for a prince - no toads!! They have to be good to outdo that list!!

I do get sad sometimes on Saturday night - I am not going to deny that - but that is only a few hours out of the whole week!! And I am usually so tired from everything else that it is not a big deal.

And now for the piece de resistance - take a look at the Lacy Peterson story - she was not better off because she was married!!!!!!!!!!!! With all due respect to her baby and family - that story is so so so sad.


Edited 5/12/2004 10:32 pm ET ET by weston1745

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 10:45am
I can totally relate to you londoness75. I have been single for 3 years and I haven't had a date that has progressed into a relationship. At the beginning it was really frustrating when I started to date again because I was only running into guys who don't want to commit. As well as you, I want to find someone who I can share my life with and hopefully get married to that man, but if you don't focus on making yourself happy it will be really hard to find someone who will REALLY appreciate you for who you are. Believe me it's not easy to be alone and yes it can be depressing, but love yourself so that way you will have a great reward for taking care of yourself first, and that's having a wonderful man that will love you to death. It's not all about luck. It's about having confidence in yourself. Believe me or not, if you are confidence in yourself that aura will be in the air and the men will flock around you like there's no tomorrow. Find what makes you happy and in no time you will find that really nice guy. I wish you the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:28pm
Hi Two Way & Others on this post string...

Ahhhhh I know how you feel - you aren't alone, although it feels like it since all your buddies have someone. ALL of my friends are paired up. And the real sting came when a best friend was single for 2 weeks after being a 7 year relationship... then went into a rs in a very short time... I started thinking 'what the heck is wrong w/ me?' Ive been single for about 2.5 years at this pt. 1 year was my choice to not date seriously because i had issues to work out and i was getitng over a really emotional relationship. But the last year, Ive wondered - what the heck?

anyhow, keep dating. take dating breaks when you feel exhausted of just meeting guys. then go back to dating when you are feeling like it.

when the right person is ready, and you are - then it'll happen. its when you aren't looking that the person strolls into your life. everytime ive been in a rs - its been when i was not looking.

Enjoy the single life and this goes for life in general... enjoy any status you are in because there are always pros/cons to the other side of the fence. Single life being many pros. There are reasons for every part of your life. Find the reason for this. It may be to improve your sense of self right now. Or it may be to prepare you for the right guy.

Have you read "in the meantime". I highly recommend this book to you. It really taught me alot about being singel and why it happens... and pretty much changed my outlook on life in genereal.

Good luck. _Surfergirl