*Sigh*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
*Sigh*
5
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 1:14pm

I went on a great date last night. We spent about 6 hours together, just talking and enjoying each other's company. We related well, laughed a lot and had fun. Of course, there's a but in there... At the end of the night he told me how he has this "situation" at home. Seems that he was with a girl who cheated on her husband with some guy. She left the guy I had the date with for the other guy and then a year later, he dumped her and she came to the guy I had the date with and asked for his help. She wound up moving in and has been living there ever since. According to him, they don't have sex but the fact that he had such a hard time telling me also tells me that there's some sort of emotional/mental involvement.


This stinks. I really liked him. By the end of the night, I told him that I wasn't going to get involved in someone else's situation because I wouldn't be able to respect myself at the end of the day, regardless of "what" he said was going on at home.


I know I could turn this into a nasty post about how bad he was, etc. But I don't want to do that. And I honestly don't believe he's an evil guy, just a person in a bad situation. And

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 1:55pm

Sorry to hear that, Kerry, it must have been such a disappointment to hear him say that! But at least he told you now. And good for you for sticking to your principles, even though it was difficult to do so.

Did you leave the door open for him to contact you if he ever gets the situation resolved (as in, she moves out)?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 2:09pm

I did Sher, I told him that when he's free and clear and he's over it all that he could give me a call. He wanted to keep in touch until then but I told him that I think it would just make things messy. He was disappointed and part of him almost wished he hadn't told me but he wanted to because he didn't think I deserved to be treated like that.


That's really the reason I don't want to turn bitter about this. I think it was good that he was honest and the conversation was very, very honest despite what he had to tell me. I also told him that I didn't want to be the girl that he cheated on her with because a year later, he'd been sitting in the same spot with another chik telling her how he didn't trust me... know what I mean?


The kicker was at the end of the night though. After he asked if he could call and I said no, he gave me a huge hug and kiss on the cheek and said "I know you'll find a good man soon Kerry, you're a total package..." I know this sounds stupid, but by the time I got up to my apartment, I was crying for some reason. Not for him mind you... but something about it all just hit me. And I'm not sure what. All I know is I sat in my living room crying for a bit, having my kitties look at me like I'm an oddball and when I looked in the mirror I realized that my eyes turn a fierce shade of green when crying! LOL. But on a serious note, don't know what set me off...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 2:53pm

Hey, I understand. I think it's the disappointment over the losing the possibility of this guy who seemed so cool and who obviously likes you--I'm sure the unfairness of this other woman being in the picture just got to you. I know I cried over musician/athlete more times than I care to confess, even though I *know* he lacks ethics and isn't a good LTR prospect, because I know he liked me and we always had so much fun together and I'm like, why wasn't that enough for him to want to be with me, what does this other chick have that I don't, it's not *fair*...argh.

And same with the guy who moved to California...he said something to me at one point that I was a real "quality" person and if he wasn't moving who knows what might have happened...while it's nice to know he thinks that, what good does it do me if he's not available to be in a relationship???

Anyway...have you read the book I mentioned on the other board, "Curse of the Singles Table"? You might want to pick it up, it's good for a few laughs.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 6:34pm

Sounds like a fun read and I'll put it on my list. Right now I don't have a lot of time for fun reads simply because I'm going for a certification that will help me in my industry. It's a huge test in October and that's where all my fun reading time has gone!


You know, after thinking about it today I think I realized why I cried. It is based in frustration/disappointment but it was more like here's another opportunity that was dangled in my face and then taken before it ever got off the ground. I know this may sound perverse but the fact that he went out with me and yet has this other situation doesn't bother me that much simply because I'm taking it more as a compliment. Like I wowed him that much that he wanted to check me out. And then during the evening, he gained respect to actually tell me. I know that's crazy but to me that just gives me a sign of what I'm worth if you know what I mean.


I guess I'm getting tired of having guys tell me how great I am. LOL. I've gotten to a place where I stopped looking and now I'm all of a sudden dating and have others in the wing. But what's also funny for me is that here I said that I don't really care about a relationship yet my actions are showing otherwise because if I didn't care, wouldn't I have jumped all over this guy?


This whole experience (the last few months included) has really taught me a few lessons about myself. I've finally found the core strength that I lost and it just really has placed me in a different space. It's hard to articulate but I have a feeling you will understand.


Ahhh the rambling rambles... :o)


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: cl_bklynchik
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 9:00pm
That doesn't mean you can't continue to date him. Did you have fun? Yup. Will you probably have fun the next time? Yup. Does it matter that you probably won't be getting involved? Not really. So go out on a date every now and then until Mr. Right comes along. It's better than sitting home alone.