Is this a sign??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Is this a sign??
3
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 11:58pm

Happy Valentine's Day!
Talk about a whirlwind day!
Well, I'm single on yet another Valentine's Day. Kinda...ok, here goes. I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

I've been single for over a year now. However, I've been communicating with a guy who lives in a different state for nearly 7 months now. We've only met once, which was the FIRST time we met. We've had our ups and downs, where we stopped communicating for a while. We both decided that we should only be friends. Recently, however, we've been talking more and having more positive conversations and it's been good...I've begun to have those butterflies I had when we first met. He told me that he sees potential in us and that he hasn't met anyone like me in the last 7 months. The problem is the distance, and the strong possibility that the distance will remain. He'll be graduating from school in May, starting Law school in the Fall, and taking a job where he lives. I just started Grad school where I live, and will be in Grad school for the next two years. I have a good job here and plan to buy a home this year. Needless to say, both of us are settled in our own states. I just don't know if I want to embark on a long distance relationship that will be long distance for a long time. You know?

Ok, so today's Valentine's Day. My other single friend and I decided to go to dinner and a movie. We had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. I was sitting there with her, and I noticed this guy who kept making eye contact with me. I figured that he worked there because he was scurrying around the whole time. Of course, the restaurant's busy: it's Valentine's Day! Anywho, he disappeared for a while, so I kinda forgot about him. So, we get our food, and my pasta is raw! LOL! I send it back, they send the manager over. Guess who the manager is??? The guy who I was making eyes with! Whew! Anyway, he gets me new pasta. My friend and I talk about how cute he is...I didn't tell her about the eye contact, though. She asks our waitress if the manager is single and straight. He is! Then, our waitress, who was super cool, obviously goes back and tells him. It's obvious that she does because he comes back to our table to personally make sure that my food is ok! He kinda lingers a bit, smiling and such. Of course, I'm completely flustered! He introduces himself and shakes my hand then my friend's hand. After he leaves, my friend tells me to talk to him. I ask her how she know's that he's interested in me. She said, "girl, he was all up in your face!" Long enough story shorter, she tells him in a sly way that I'm available. She says, "There's someone at this table who finds you interesting..." He says, "I'd love to call her sometime if she wouldn't mind..." I'm sitting there, like a mute, while they're talking about me! It's completely crazy!! We exchange numbers and my friend and I leave! Whew!

It was an exhilerating feeling; however, I felt like I was cheating on my long distance friend...and we aren't even together! Am I nuts or something?? I really do like my long distance guy, but I don't know if I can put my life on hold for a long, long distance relationship. What do y'all think? Nothing may come of restaurant manager guy...it's not even about him as much as it is about not wanting to let opportunity pass me by. If he calls and asks me out, would I be foolish to say no? Why would I? Sorry my story's so long!!

Edited 2/15/2007 12:03 am ET by mali2579




Edited 2/15/2007 12:04 am ET by mali2579
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 11:36am

Unless you've made a commitment to be exclusive with the LD guy, you can and should be dating other people.

Even if you have agreed to be exclusive, I think you should revisit that issue with him. The chances of that r'ship working out are pretty slim (you barely KNOW the guy in addition to the distance issues), so yes, it would be foolish not to continue dating other people.

But I'm confused--I thought you were dating the guy with the kids? I got the feeling you'd decided to end that, but my point is, you were already dating other people, so why the angst about this particular guy?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
In reply to: mali2579
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 12:38pm

Hey! Thanks for replying. It's cool that you're actually following my posts! LOL!

Yes, I ended it with the guy with the kids. We were not at all compatible. As far as Long Distance Guy, we've recently begun talking more (even when I was seeing the guy with the kids), and communication between us has grown more positive. While this is a good thing, I'm also thinking rationally about the future and, as you said, the fact that I really don't know him very well AND the fact that there will continue to be distance between us makes our chances for a relationship slim. We both agreed that we're still only friends, so there's no problem with either of us dating other people. I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I'm getting tired of dating and would like to find one person to grow close to. I just don't know if that's feasible with a man who lives in another state.

That's it....

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 1:20pm

I understand. But I would say that until the two of you have seen each other in person *at least* 4-5 more times, and have come up with a plan for how you're going to be together at some point, I don't think it makes sense to date him exclusively. I tried doing the exclusive thing in my LDR a couple years ago and I quickly decided that wasn't realistic since we had no "end" in sight, so I started dating other people and feel that was definitely the right decision (well, especially in hindsight since it didn't work out ;-)).

Sheri