Signs of getting back together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Signs of getting back together?
3
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 3:52pm

My boyfriend and I started going out August. When midterms and exams came, we saw each other less and less. Then his parents started arguing and his brother (they're close) went on anti-depressants. We disagree on topics like abortion but we never argued about everyday stuff, we talk calmly. At one point he said he had too much on his plate and his feelings for me were slipping away because of that. He asked if we could 'slow down or quit for now.' So I said 'I'll leave you alone for now', and did just that, didn't talk to him at all for a week.

A week later he IMs me, making small talk. Tells me his family is still not in good shape but he misses me and said we need to hang out again after his life eases up. I said I miss him too, and to hang in there but I didn't respond to the hanging out thing. I was still hurt from his 'my feelings are slipping away because i'm hella busy' line. But I said I'm there for him if he needed help, he has my support. I used to call him 'sweetie' and haven't done that since the breakup.

We live an hour apart. We're talking/chatting online again, not as much as before. He sends me pics of his family christmas tree and his brother. He sends me a copy of Want You More, one of Duran Duran's new songs, saying he thought I'd like it. I thank him every time. He called me sweetie one night. He tells me what he's gonna do the weekend, like 'I have to study', 'I'm at work Saturday' or 'I'm gonna watch a movie with some friends.' I sent him a news article about the fat content of burgers, and he replies with, 'next time we go grab something to eat, how about we skip the burgers. =)'

Is he just being friends with me now or is there something else? I miss him so much. I am so tempted to ask him if he wants to catch a movie or somethin...but it feels odd to do that because I don't know how he'll take it. He was the one who wanted out so shouldn't he be the one to ask me if I do wanna somethin with him like get a burger or go out? Or should I have responded when he said we need to hang out again with a positive note like 'yeah, we should, let me know when you're up for it?' What should I do...wait for him to ask, go ahead and ask myself or let this go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 4:23pm
Your ex wanted a break and you gave him space. Now he's back to IM and such BUT it's kind of confussing for you as you can't read his mind. You don't know what he wants. The best approach is to ask him directly: "Since you're IM and talking a lot lately, what's up? Do you want to get back together, do you want to remain friends OR what?". This way you'll know where you stand once and for all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 5:51am

Greetings kim,

Bellina here,Seems very familiar to me,and can empathize with your mixed emotions.Well,
he's had a time out,now wants to keep in touch,perhaps you should request meeting in person.If he's willing to go casual,either lunch,coffees,latte,etc.,where you can chat.See how he acts and if you're getting positive vibes in conversations,bring up what
he desires to be to you,just friends or a little more?If he's honest and sorted out his feelings toward you,then I'd give him another chance.Be a little bold,as I've been doing so finally,and I'm 30something and let him know what you'd like,whether it's friends or
more romantic relations,discuss this openly.Tis better to communicate early on than just
wasting time wondering how he feels about the two of you.I've recently met someone,began as friends,presently feelings of romance have intensified with our less informal encounters.He's finally opening up more as there was always a sensual tension,attraction which was sort of held back,took awhile as we're both a bit shy.After months of long phonechats,inperson conversations,our mutual interests,hobbies,family backgrounds,life experiences,etc..we've really connected on a deeper level.Now there's more comfort,intimacy and our affections have really blossomed. Hope the same for you,best wishes in whatever you prefer,friends or lovers! Bellina

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 3:27am

Hi all, thanks for your replies. This is an update.

So its my last day of school Thursday. Since my ex-guy sent me an email saying, 'next time we grab something to eat, let's skip the burgers' two weeks back, I replied to his email saying that Thurs was my last day of school, since he lives at an apartment across the street from the Univ, did he want to get together and get something to eat?

He replies that it sounded good to him, that we should go out again, but not to set anything in stone cuz his dad wanted him to go home Thursday nite, but he wasnt sure yet. Fine. I said just to let me know.

So Wed nite, we were chatting and joking online, and he tells me to call him Thurs nite after class because he didn't know if he would still be here at the Univ or up at home. He said he hates cancelling out on me but he was saying his situation anyway. I said fine. I'll call to see what's up.

Thurs nite, I call him at 7:30 pm. Yes, he's still here at the apartment but...here it comes. He says he can only meet me for an hour because he has to drive up home. (He lives an hour's drive away.) Yet he says he's staying till Friday at the apartment even though he has no classes anymore. Then he says, 'Or we can hang out Tues next week so we can be together longer.'

So I asked him, 'what do you want to do then?' and his reply was, 'How about Tues next week? Plus I'm kinda tired tonite.' At this point, I said Fine!, in a joking but exasperated manner then I ended the phone call quickly.

It's true he warned me that he'd wasn't sure of his schedule. But geesh, I just wanted to get together with a friend tonite, not get back into his jock. I think friends shouldn't have to be given scraps of someone's time. I never treated him that way, I always gave him equal time. Plus his story doesnt add up. *sigh IF, a big IF he does ask about the Tues next week thing, I'm thinking I should say no. I'm not reminding him, not initiating any IM chat or email anymore. I did my part. What do you think folks? Thanks!