silly question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
silly question
8
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 6:17pm
part of being a girl is to analyze every little thing a guy does or doesn't do and then spent days agonizing over it. if someone can tell me.. when guys get tired, why do they tell us? when i was with my ex bf, he would constantly tell me he's tired. and i would say "i know!" now that i'm communicating with this guy over email.. it seems he would write me right before bedtime and he would often conclude by informing me of his tireness. ok, why?? is this a way for them to say, please comfort me or i want you to care?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hosterjo
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 3:04pm

hosterjo...

PG thinks you actually answered this question when you brought up the issue as to HOW WOMEN LIKE TO ANALYZE EVERYTHING!

Men are just the opposite.

Most of us are expected to "perform 100% of the time" at our jobs...so by the time we've gotten home, many of us aren't in the mood to listen to all the problems or concerns our wife or g/f might have? This doesn't mean WE don't want to deal with them or their problem. It means that when you bring the subjects that you want to address up for discussion...we're not necessarily going to be in our 'best frame of mind' (or 100% cordial toward you) in order to solve them!

This is why most men prefer the "Monarch Notes" edition of a problem! Tell us the important points that concern you...instead of an entire chapter with step-by-step descriptions of EVERY INCIDENT!

And now you know why a lot of us resort to the "I'm Tired" response.

So most smart women will then pose the following question: "We've got to talk about the broken pipe in the bathroom, our phone bill, or the new braces for Linda's teeth...when AREN'T you going to be TOO TIRED to discuss the problem?"

This leaves a man with no other choice, than to either listen and respond with an answer NOW...or give you a specific time when we're willing to address the subject!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
In reply to: hosterjo
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 12:18am

Hi PG,
I am not sure if you got the original poster's question right. Maybe I got it wrong. But I FEEL that she meant to ask what guys need from us girls when they say they are tired. She did not mention anything about her talking to him about her day's incidents or problems and expecting him to resolve anything. The question, if I got that right, was when guys say they are tired, what kind of response are they looking for (IF ANY) from their girls.

I would be interested in knowing what you think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: hosterjo
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 2:47am
bnaka,
you're exactly right! how could i possibly be "bothering" the guy when he's responding to me in email? these circumstances i've mentioned are not at a time when i need their attention. they simply choose to tell me they're tired, which seems to me, at inappropriate times. has this ever happened to anyone else?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
In reply to: hosterjo
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 2:59am

While I do agree with PG's explanation of the difference between men and women, I also agree with you bnaka112. I got the question being posed as to "Why do men say they are tired?" By them saying this, what are we women expected to say/do is being asked.

Frankly, I'm a little puzzled myself. Is it more to PG's explanation that he said it ahead of her dragging out long step by step analysis or details of a day's event? Did he say it to end the conversation and that he is ready to go to bed?

Speaking on behalf of myself, I would refrain from saying that I am tired. I mean I think that we all can understand that WE ALL can feel tired, right? So why is it necessary to say it on a regular basis? For me, I would ONLY say it if I were to be EXCEPTIONALLY TIRED. That being the case, I might explain the reason WHY I state that I am tired... a very tough day at work, long meetings, running around doing all sorts of tasks, eye fatigue staring at a computer monitor all day (that's usually what I suffer).

I think the men she refers to claiming to be tired as being more the exception. I picture a truly tired man to simply grab a beer or sit in front of the TV with his remote and then fall asleep. :-)

My final thoughts of anyone saying they are tired (be it man or woman) as an indirect way of saying "You are boring. I'm going to sleep now."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hosterjo
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 9:54am

Hi bnaka112..

Pianoguy wouldn't be surprised if he screwed up the original poster's question. PG usually answers about a dozen or more whenever he pays a visit to the ivillage L&S boards.

ANYWAY...I'm a firm believer in the "actions speak louder than words" theory.

After spending a difficult day at work (or on the road with a bunch of bad drivers), my nerves are a little shot! So when a 'special lady' takes the time to pour me a glass of red wine, nibble on my ear a little, and provide me with a back or shoulder rub...any or all of those gestures SURPASS ANY CONVERSATION!

And believe me...this sort of affrection automatically 'triggers me' to think of a way in order to "pamper her" in return!

Pianoguy

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hosterjo
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 11:51am

PG, with all due respect, for many women homemaking is their full-time job, and they are expected to perform it 100% all the time for their spouse and family. Maybe these women are just seeking help or input to do "their" job. And please remember that for many women also, they are expected to perform 100% on their job in the workforce and they are also expected to perform 100% their job in the home.

But I agree there is value in brevity and directness and sometimes discussions can wait for a better time.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hosterjo
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 1:08pm

Maybe it's just a quirk.

I say it too often also. It was brought to my attention once when my boss asked me NOT to tell him when I'm tired.

It was embarassing! I didn't even realize I'd been saying it so often. I agree, we ALL are tired and it's something that I have to keep in mind when I'm compelled to share that detail.

My thought is to ask him. Next time you are on the phone and he says "I'm tired", that's your cue to let him off the horn. Then, when he is NOT tired, bring it up in casual conversation: e.g: "So my girlfriends and i were having this discussion of when people say "I'm tired"..." and go from there.

We can't tell you why he says it. Only he can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: hosterjo
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 11:20am

Some guys (gals too ) are concerned with their physical well being, which includes getting enough sleep. Girls want lovey dovey talk, guys it doesn't necessarily matter to as much. I would leave it for now - actions speak louder than words and it's how someone treats you that counts. And this is someone it doens't seem you know well, as of yet so certainly you wouldn't be requesting affirmations of affection.


Try not to overthink - it just can make you crazy! :)

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