Sleeping arrangement situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Sleeping arrangement situation
12
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 12:57pm
In a few weeks my boyfriend will be spending a few days with me at my dad's friend's house at the shore. My parents and friends of my parents will also be there. The owner of the house, my dad's friend, sleeps downstairs in a bedroom, and there are 3 bedrooms upstairs that will be occupied by 1) my parents, 2) my parent's married friends, and 3) me. This is the way the bedrooms have been arranged for years on this weekend, and I haven't had a boyfriend come down to stay overnight in the past. I am 39, have been previously married, and my boyfriend is 37. We have been dating for about 5 months. My parents know him and like him very much. Here's the question. Would it be bold to assume that he can share a bedroom with me instead of having to sleep downstairs in the living room on an air mattress? I know my parents are assuming he will sleep in the living room, but I think that this is a little silly. He won't have any privacy in the living room, and some people will be getting up early in the morning before he may want to get up (the owner of the house gets up at 6:30 every morning). As mature adults, would it be wrong to just have him stay in my room without saying anything? I don't think I should have to ask my parent's permission at 39 years of age. For the record, my boyfriend and I have gone down by ourselves to stay at this house with just the owner present, and we shared a room then. But with my parents there, and their friends, I know it would be awkward. However, I feel bad that he will have to sleep in the living room for 3 or 4 nights! He says he doesn't mind. What do other people do in situations like this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 11:45am

I would respect your parents' wishes. This isn't about whether you are mature enough to have sex; it's about what is respectful to your family. And it's not the end of the world if you can't sleep together for a few days. You can have lots of "missed you" sex when you get back to your place!

My parents have the rule that unless I'm married, when I and a boyfriend stay with them, we will sleep in separate rooms. Regardless of my age.

I understand that you're not staying in your parents' home, but you are staying at their friend's home with them there.

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable making my parents uncomfortable. It's not worth it to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 12:13pm

Hi juno2006 , good luck on this.

Personally, let's start with the facts. Your bf already accepted the choice of joining your parents and their friends at this beach house. He also said he was alright with sleeping downstairs. I think he is quite honorable for saying that. Now, do you not trust him to judge for himself? Or perhaps you are being a little selfish in wanting him in your bed?

Look, I am sympathetic to your concerns about him being bothered early in the morning. I also see that you are lonely and will miss him not one night but several nights. But if it really was a problem, why did you two accept going on this vacation? Yes you are 30+ adults, but then you also can take your own vacations as well. If saving hotel costs was part of the consideration, then perhaps the sacrifice of not being together to sleep for a few nights is worth it, isn't it?

I'm not sure of why the choice of this family vacation. If it is to enjoy with all of them, why not be respectful? Consider this, start off with being respectful and then if your parents and their friends say, "Oh don't be ridiculous, share your room together" then it would a lot easier since they suggested it.

You know, if you were to marry this guy in the future, I could easily see your parents remarking how they were proud that you two did not push sleeping together on past occasions like this. Why not further earn their respect with but a little sacrifice?

Lastly, you commented that there was a precedence of you two sharing with only the homeowner's presence. If you are close enough to have gone on that trip, might you possibly ask them how they feel about asking your parents about sharing your room?

Personally, I would go with my earlier suggestion. But you are adults and life is all about learning to make right decisions and suffering the consequences when they weren't the best choice. At least you did choose to ask all of us, so I truly respect you for that. Good luck and have a fun vacation.


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