sleeping with friends...
Find a Conversation
sleeping with friends...
| Mon, 10-10-2005 - 8:03pm |
I'm looking for some thoughts on something that I've been dealing with for years now. I've been in love with my best guy friend for over 7 years. We started out being great friends. We have huge amounts of trust for each other and got along great. We always flirted, and shared a few kisses, but nothing extreme, you could tell there were mutual feelings, and he knew I liked him. About 4 years ago he started dating a girl, and they are still together...the problem is about this time last year he and I had sex (yes, we had been drinking). She has NO clue, and thinks he and I are best friends. We've talked about it numerous times, and decided we should not share this with anyone else. He says he let it happen cause he trusts me, but also says it was a mistake and it can't happen again - but since then he's slept over, but I wouldn't let anything happen (even though I want it too!!!). Sometimes I get so mad, I feel like telling everyone I know, including her...but then sometimes I don't think I could deal with the consequences. He and I have grown distant in the past few monthes. But when we talk - we have huge heart to hearts and he tells me he needs a break from her...etc. I'm can't get this guy out of my head - how do you stop loving someone? Should I forget about him and ruin his life by telling her what happened, I get different thoughts on different days! What would you do?

Hi Miss,
First, I would not tell her--that's just causing drama. What are the reasons behind you wanting to do that? Hurt someone else? Ruin what they have? Just not a good idea. He is the one who has to come clean with her, not you.
Second... do you really love him? Think about it. This is a guy who can cheat on his girlfriend. This is a guy who is not honest, who lies to those he supposedly cares about. What do you really love about him? Do you love the idea of being with someone you've known so long? It's been 7 years. He's had ample time to start something real with you. As my friend always asks me "What do you love about him? How can you love someone who does not want you?" It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the truth.
Personally I would take time away from him and take some time for yourself to really think about this. What are you really hoping to get out of it all and is it worth it?
Hope this help. Keep us posted.
Well, for starters, leave the girlfriend out of it. If she finds out it should be from him. That whole "if I can't have him, no one should" thing will not turn out well for you anyway.
I'd think seriously about your real feelings for him. Is it really him you love or just the idea of you two together? If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. He'd have let you know in the last 7 years and he wouldn't have dated anyone else in the meantime. Also, he's a cheater. Drunken night or not, he cheated and continues to talk to you about it and keep this (and who knows what else) from his girlfriend. You have a deeper emotional bond with him than he has with you and your clearly not his priority. You need some perspective and the only way you're going to get this is to cut off communication with him for a while. As long as you're tied up in him, you're not going to be open to anything else.
Good luck.