Sleeping Over

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Sleeping Over
5
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 3:15pm
I've been dating this guy for about 3 months and sleeping with him for about 1 month. The weird thing is that he doesn't sleep over, and if I'm at his house after awhile, he gets dressed, which I take as a sign to leave. I don't understand what is going on. He makes plans to have dates and calls me and we talk about things not related to sex and neither one of us are seeing other people. I think I need to ask him what this is about, but it is just weird. I could understand if he is over and he needs to get back to a dog, but he doesn't have one. I've been with other guys who I want to stay and almost beg to stay who do have a dog, but I don't beg him, but I do really like him and have fun with him. This is definitely not a sex thing, since we do have dates. I'm just confused. Any ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: lisnik
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 3:22pm
Some people aren't a sleep-over type. They like their own bed and their own space. I suggest you talk to this guy and see what is up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: lisnik
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 3:56pm
Have you actually had the exclusive/commitment talk? Sure, neither of you are probably seeing anyone else, but until you have that talk, you can't assume anything. I think he is trying to keep things casual. Since he gets up at his own place signaling you to leave, I bet he probably views "sleeping over" as a sign that you are getting more serious and he might not be ready for that. The last guy I saw wouldn't sleep over either because we were in a more casual relationship and he told me he didn't want to set any expectations beyond the casual dating.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: lisnik
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 5:06pm
I tend to agree - they'll come up with every reason in the world why they don't like sleepovers (can't sleep, toss and turn, snore, like their own bed, get up early, stay up late, etc. etc.), but ultimatley from my experience it's because they don't want to cross that line of casual to a committed relationship. does he call you his girlfriend to other people? If not - there's your answer if you ask me. Sorry!! Men are wierd. If you are uncomfortable with it I'd talk to him about it... you deserve to be happy too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
In reply to: lisnik
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 5:12pm

Well, just because you have dates and sex doesn't mean he wants more than fun, sex, excitement, companionship IN THE MOMENT...and then when he's done with the date - he's done.

I mean, dating is the prelude to a relationship, and the willingness to have sex doesn't indicate the desire for that either.

I suspect if you talked to him about it nonaccusatorily - you'd find he doesn't want a relationship. HE doesn't wnat to consider your needs an feelings and so forth equally with his own when making decisions and taking actions in his life.

He thinks you're fun, sexy, attractive, sexually exciting, and interesting and entertaining - and as far as timeframes go - he wants about 6 hours of that non-stop a few times a week. But that's it.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: lisnik
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 5:59pm

Maybe he has a bed wetting problem!

Anyway, I agree with the others. Sleepovers tend to bridge the gap between casual and committed. Plus sleepovers turn into spending the next day together. If he's a guy who likes his space, has a million hobbies, goes to the gym, etc... He probably wants to keep his Sundays to himself. Sooo that would mean kicking you out on Sat night.

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