Slowing him down

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Slowing him down
5
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 11:26am

So I had my first date with a guy last Friday. He seems nice and we were able to talk fairly easily. He called me Saturday and we talked, and he called again last night. He wants to go out again this Friday, but I'm not so sure.

I am really not looking for anything serious. I have been separated from my husband since January, and I just don't think I should get really involved with someone. I am really enjoying my independence right now. In addition to that, one of my girlfriends asked if there was any chemistry. I didn't feel anything, but we didn't kiss either. Since I am not looking for anything long term the chemistry part might not be a necessity.

So how do I tell him to slow down? Do I just tell him I am busy this Friday and plan something for next Friday. Do I go into all of my history and explain that I am not ready for anything serious, because I just got out of a long term relationship. Thanks for all the help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 1:59pm

free woman2005..

PG is a little confused here? Do you want to END THINGS with this gentleman? Or just SLOW EVERYTHING DOWN?

You haven't kissed the man, but seem to be certain there's "no spark" between you? I guess if you want to spill your guts about your romantic past to a man who is crazy about you, that's perfectly okay?

Otherwise, politely (but firmly) explain that the relationship the two of you are having is moving MUCH TOO FAST FOR YOU!

His reaction will either be a willingness to SLOW things down to the pace you wish to maintain....or (worst case scenerio)...he'll stop asking you out!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 3:27pm
It's only a second date - that 's not asking for your hand in marriage.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Wed, 08-31-2005 - 4:55pm

It has been difficult to talk about things because we went to a motorcycle race on our first date, and that is where he wants to go on our second date. Being in such a noisy environment makes it difficult to talk.

I've never really been single so this whole dating thing is new to me. It just seems he wants to see me more than I want to see him. I don't necessarily want to end things, just need a slower pace. I guess I will follow Pianoguy's advice and just tell him I need to go slower. Not sure I want to spill my guts just yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 2:46pm

I just want to slow everything down. He calls me every other day, and I am just not looking for something like that right now. Don't get me wrong I enjoy talking to him, just don't know that I want to see him more than once a week. He wanted to do something on Sunday, but I was busy.

I don't think spilling my guts to him is a good idea as it is early on. However, I am having a difficult time trying to figure out what I should tell him. At this point I am on the fence about going out with him on Friday, but think I could arrange something for next weekend.

I have never really dated, seems I have jumped from one LTR to another LTR all my life, so I really don't know how the whole chemistry thing works.

Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 5:28pm
One thing is to never "lie' and say you are busy when you aren't. You can get busted that way! But yes, let him know that you want to just take your time getting to know each other. But like datedoyenne said, it is only a second date! Who knows where it will lead but as long as you are clear in your intentions, he won't get the wrong idea.

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