small problem...
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| Sat, 08-07-2004 - 11:49am |
I am new here so hello everyone i hope you are all well and enjoying the fantastic sunshine (well its very sunny in the uk)
I have a slight dating dillema.
Me and my boyfriend met on the internet 4 and a half years ago and we became best friends although there was always something there i guess we was both hesitant in taking it further because of how we met and also we had both just come out of a relationship.
Anyways im sure you all know how it is! you start getting to know some one more and more and the next thing you know is that you are madly head over heels! And then u wonder how the hell it all happened and how u could of missed it! well thats what happened to me and i decided that the next logical step would be to meet and see how we are like in 'real life'
We met everything was great, we got on so well and have started a relationship so thats brilliant , its just i dont really know how to make us a normal couple! Its mainly the effect of having met on the internet. When ever i go up to see him (which is currently 2 x a month :( we live very far from each other) we stay in a hotel. And thats pretty much all we do really stay in spend time together which i love but whenever i say why dont we go out i guess he looks slightly uncomfortable about it. I am too coz i dont really know how to be! He would never say no im not going to go out for a drink in fact he has asked me a few times and that was when i just wanted him to myself really so didnt't really fancy it! Can someone please tell me why men and women can be so uncompatible sometimes??!!
Any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated but as this is such a small problem dont worry about not posting that much as i know there are people out there who need help alot more than me!
Kind regards
Chantelle

First off, you may be interested in the long distance relationship message board here at iVillage. This will give you some encouragement and suggestions as to how to handle a r'ship like this one, which as any of them will tell you takes some special handing.
Next, I wouldn't say men/women are incompatible (and thank goodness for that, eh?) but timing IS important and often causes issues between couples. Patience is the key here.
I felt a little concerned when you said he looked uncomfortable going out in his town with you. A red flag went up. Are you sure you know his home situation? Has he offered to introduce you to his friends and/or family? After 4-odd years of corresponding, it would be natural to want to go to the next level. You had better check on this before your heart gets too deeply engaged. And in my opinion, if you only see each other in hotels, you are having an affair not a r'ship.
Has he met your people? He needs to get to know you as well.
Good luck to you, Chantelle!
amjay45
lol! He has met my friends and i have met his and family. We meet in hotels because of the distance (it would take me hours to get back home so its better to stay over in that respect aswell) and also because he still lives with his folks who bless them are old fashioned and believe in all that kinda stuff after marriage. We both agreed that the only way to get time to ourselves would be that way and we know so much about each others lives so i dont believe its an affair.
Why i wrote to the board was because i dont really know how to act out and about in public! Not because i thought he didnt want to be seen around with me ( im not saying you was implying that! im just saying)
Thanks for your response
:)
Chantelle xx
The embarassing thing is, I have no advice to give you. It sounds to me like you've got something great going on and I have nothing to add to it!
Have fun!
amjay45