So Confused...What's Our Status?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
So Confused...What's Our Status?
4
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 7:51pm
I dated this guy for almost 2 yrs. He had been "reborn" several yrs prior but was not living, what he considered, a good Christian life (he was dating me, a Jew). In July he was talking to someone and suddenly realized that dating a non-Christian is BAD so we ended our relationship (mostly his choice). We tried for months to remain friends since we had so much in common and had fun together. At first he was always studying, listening to Christian music, talking about the Bible, etc. Now, he's back to his old self, well, sortof. He told me 2 days ago that we are MORE than friends, he really cares about me, we just aren't "officially" dating. He is always hugging me, kissing me on the cheeks, cuddling with me, spends all his free time with me, just no kissing on the lips or sex. (We were sexual when we were together.) In public we would appear to be a couple by the way he acts. He calls me twice a day from work, sometimes just to say he misses me. He says he has all the same feelings for me that I have for him (desire, want, etc). I asked him if I could date others and he said he doesn't want me dating anyone and he won't because he wants us to study together so maybe we can be together in the future. I am very confused and frustrated. I want to be in a relationship. I enjoy him as a friend but I want more in my life. Is it so wrong to want to kiss a man? He won't kiss me (and forget sex!) Is this guy completely confused or is it that he doesn't want me and he doesn't want anyone else to have me?


Edited 11/9/2005 7:55 pm ET by dreamlovrs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 9:04pm
It sounds like he wants to "convert" you to his faith. If you don't want to change it, it's probably going to be more painful for both of you to prolong the inevitable. People can have very strong opinions when it comes to religion, politics, etc. It sounds like he felt like he needed something to complete him and he found religion. For now, at least, that's how it stands. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:05pm
I was in a similar situation and I was like your 'guy friend'. I am a Christian and find if I date guys of a different religion (or different faiths), we clash. Either you are going to try to change him or he is going to try to change you and nobody wants to be changed unwillingly. Compromising is vital in any relationship, but when it come to your values and beliefs you gotta set your standards and limits or you will feel cheated. He obviously doesn't want a strictly physical relationship (kissing and sex) and wants to get to know you more personality wise. I would consider that an honor. Sounds like he respects you. I would rather a guy be attracted to my beauty within (personality and character) more than my physical beauty. Ask him what he thinks it means to be "unequally yoked with an unbeliever".
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 8:57am
You do have choices here. Just because he considers you as more than a friend doesn't mean that you automatically have to be. If he doesn't want to date you, then you are free to do whatever you like. He doesn't want to commit, so you don't have to consider yourself bound in any way. Tell him that you are going to date other people. You don't need his permission for that. If he really wants to be your friend, set some boundaries and tell him to stop the being physical since it ultimately doesn't mean anything. This half-way state that he's doing is just keeping you on the back burner while he considers his options and you get no benefit from that type of arrangement at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 1:33pm
this guy is so not being fair to you.
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