So Many ? In My Mind
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So Many ? In My Mind
| Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:49am |
Sometimes I enjoy my boyfriend, but on the whole I feel I've just settled. We've been together for about a year. He's pretty good with my kids but obviously favors his daughter, though not flagrantly obviously. Anyway, only my son, a troubled kid, likes him. When I start feeling better about myself, my bfs treatment of myself and my kids really begins to bug me. He's not really abusive, just trite and sarcastic a lot. I don't really like his personality. In fact, we get along better the less we see of each other. He won't even tell me he loves me. Says he doesn't know if he's ever loved anyone, even though he's been in seven year long relationships before, off and on. I seriously question if he knows how to love and/or make a commitment. I feel when we're together too much he'd rather being doing something else with someone else. Often, I feel it's other women. He has a rather low libido, but I can hear his breathing become more rapid and his pulse rate quicken when a woman's body is flashed on t.v. Men always say that's normal, but why don't I get all worked-up seeing men's bodies? I think it's just an excuse. Anyway, I don't like him that much but my son pretty much dictates my life. He's so angry all the time I need an angry man to control him, or at least one who seems like he's willing to bully. Is that pathetic or what? Maybe my son wouldn't be such a bully if a good man was a role model to him, but I've heard about kids who take advantage of both parents and/or become wholly unreachable. I don't particularly like my situation. Any advice?

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I think you ought to go back and reread what you posted.
You say:
"He's so angry all the time I need an angry man to control him"
Is this some sort of new psych methodology???? Your son is learning from a pro. Therapy for you, therapy for your son, stat.
I tried to amend my last post a little but it didn't get thru for some reason. After I calmed down, I could see your point. I don't want my son learning from another "pro". I guess I thought that if he had the chance to work through his issues with his dad with another man, with a different result, that things might turn-out better for him. However, men like that bother me and my tolerance for them is low. I have kind of a low tolerance for my son's behavior, also. I generally consider myself easy-going otherwise.
Anyway, maybe we could try counseling again. My son was in it for over four years, some family counseling. He's very resistant to change.
At any rate, sorry for my vehemence. I almost lost my son once and I'm afraid of losing him altogether, in one way or another.
What are you supposed to do?
You meet with his teachers, you read books, you get advice from friends, from message boards, from professionals, you try different methods, you figure out why your son is so angry and address the situation. What you don't do is allow a man who is not your husband, not a blood relative and has no professional training to verbally, emotionally or physically control your troubled child just because it is the easiest path for you.
I hate to tell you this, but you need to get rid of that man. He's adding to the problem, not helping. Your son is learning that angry outbursts are okay, because the man you're with is his role model. And if you're unhappy, then it only adds to the problem. Your son may like him, but in the longrun, this man will do more harm than good. Do you have other children? Do they like him? If not, then all the more reason to lose that man. One angry teenager cannot dictate everyone's lives. The sooner he learns that he can't control people, the better off he'll be.
What you posted is actually quite frightening.
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