So many obstacles, but I still love him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
So many obstacles, but I still love him!
3
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 1:01pm
I need some advice here. Any advice is welcome.

My name is Krystal and i'm 18 years old. My boyfriend just turned 22 in August. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months, but about 3 weeks ago I had to move 500+ miles away from him. He's in Chicago (where i'm originally from) and i'm in Kentucky. We met at my old job and immediatly were drawn to each other. At the time that I met him, I didn't know for sure if I was moving or not. My mom had been trying to convince me for almost 2 years but I kept telling her that I wasn't sure.

The reason that I had to move was because my mom is in college. She is going back for her RN. She is in school and working, but with her work working around her school schedule she isn't making enough money to pay her bills by herself. She needed somebody to come help her. My sister is pregnant and living in wisconsin with her boyfriend so there is no way that she would have been any kind of help for my mother. I have always been the one to sacrifice my happiness for my mom. My sister has never done anything for my mom except cause her stress. You can imagine the position that I was put in, but I knew what I had to do.

I met my boyfriend in June of this year. We didn't start our relationship until late July because I was still trying to get to know him. We both knew that we wanted to be in a relationship with each other but we didn't want to rush it. We started our relationship like 2 weeks before I moved to Kentucky, but I ended up going back to Illinois for a month and staying with my grandmother to help her fix her house up so she could sell it. During that month, my boyfriend and I got close. I mean really close. It was in that period of time that I fell hard for him. He is the sweetest guy that i've ever known. He is also somebody I could see myself marrying. I know i'm young but I feel that if you find somebody that you can spend the rest of your life with not to let them go.

I am now back in Kentucky with my mom and he is in Illinois still. We talk every day at least 3 times a day. During the day I call him twice while i'm on break at work just to see how he's doing and then he calls me at night when he gets off work and we talk. It's getting to almost a month since I have seen him and i'm really missing him. Just hearing his voice is not enough for me anymore. The pictures that i have of him just make me cry. Last night he called me and we were talking and I just started crying. That is how much I miss him. He asked me what was wrong and I explained it to him and he said not to be sad and that we would see each other again soon. I had to cry myself to sleep last night because his voice just made me miss him even more than I do right now.

I really want him to come down here with me at least until i can get my mom back on her feet to where she can be on her own again. She really needs me right now and he completely understands that. He can't just up and leave his job either. I have two things holding me here right now: my mother and my job. 1 week into being back down here I got a job that is through the government that I can't leave. I need the money and so does my mom. He completely understands and respects that but its hard for both of us.

I am not going to do anything to sacrifice this relationship. He is the best guy that i've ever had in my life, but I just need him to be here to hold me and be here when I need him and I want to do the same for him. I don't know how to tell myself not to be as upset as I have been lately. I can't cry myself to sleep everynight because it's just not going to help. All it does is make me feel even more upset because he's not with me.

If anybody has any advice or wants more information from me in order to give me better advice just let me know. I am open to any and all suggestions.

Krystal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 3:14pm
Krystal...

Pianoguy read your post twice. It seems that you're trying to be responsible for yourself (as well as your Mom), but fear that this responsibility is going to jeopardize your relationship with the b/f?

THIS ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN!

Your b/f...if he really loves you...will understand and accept the 'chores' that are in your life and (occasionally) make the effort to see you. While he has his job and you have yours, I'll bet you can figure out a compromise?

What's wrong with planning a 'get-together' one weekend every month until things are squared away with your mom? Swap it off...one weekend a month, he comes down to see you...the next month, you fly up to see him! Granted...it's not the best solution...but if the 2 of you frequently communicate by phone and email, you've got plenty of time to plan a few things to make the best use of your time together. Good luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 5:38pm
You're very young and it sounds like you might not have a lot of relationship experience yet. Three months with someone is long enough to know that you're falling in love, but not long enough to make life changes for someone. I don't want to make little of your three months together, because it is significant...but when both of you are so young and there's so much to consider...consider that you have a lot of time to work this out if it's meant to be. I spent a year abroad and it was difficult, but very doable and this was even before the internet. A whole year of snail mail and one/month phone calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 10:22pm
pianoguy,

Thanks for your response. I know for a fact that i will see him. My problem is not that I think the distance or age is going to jeapradize our relationship. Our relationship is strong even though we have only been together for 3 months. I am just trying to find some comfort down here without him. I am so lonely without him by me. I know that he is the one for me, I just hate being so far away from him. For me, the people that I love always seem to leave me and he is the one person that I want to stay with me. I honestly don't know how to comfort myself or find comfort in my mom, who let me say does not agree with my relationship for two reasons: 1) he's hispanic and i'm not.. and 2) i'm here and he's there. She is the only person that I know down here right now and i can't even talk to her about how upset i'm feeling. i have to put a smile on my face whenever she is around just so that she doesn't grill me on it and then end up in a huge arguement with her which is what will happen.

Krystal