So there's this guy-friend I like who confuses the daylights out of me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2013
So there's this guy-friend I like who confuses the daylights out of me...
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 6:46pm

So does begin the last week of October, into this new friend of mine will call him,” Joe.” For starters, when we first met, we locked eyes.  It was like a scene and a cheesy movie.  Then about an hour later, place was closing he told me to meet him (with another couple ) At this club they’re going to.  That is what happened the first night I met him.

So now it’s been almost a month, we’ve become great friends.  He shows me signs that he could interested, but then there’s been some random occurrence’s where I just want to back off because he is throwing me off path…

The things he does that leads me on, he’s not afraid to hug me, or kiss me on the cheek.  He complements me often on my singing because we usually go out for karaoke and a drink He always buys drinks for me, and always pays for me to take a taxi ride home when he thinks I cant drive my own truck back.  I catch him staring at me here and there when we are together.  Whenever I flirt or converse with other guys in our age group, he then seems nosy to know how they are and how I know them.  When a guy makes me uncomfterable, he litteraly goes out of his way to help me out of the situation.  When I say I’m going out in Friday, sat, or Sun, he invites himself.   

                We text through  out the day, when I call he picks up quickly, like before the 3rdring quickly and is always answering with a happy voice.

                He’s been helpful in giving me advice on my last break up with a crazy, selfish, alchoholic who stalks me when bored.

                One weekend was the most fun iv’e had in a long time.  We met this married couple and went to another place and hung out for the night, then I was too intoxicated to drive home, so they dropped us off at his house then left. 

                Joe then let me get comforable before he put his arm around my waist and his face in my hair and pretty much then cuddled with me.  We didn’t have sex or anything like that.  The next morning we laid in bed and watched football until the evening.  I said I needed to head home.

                Recently I was in need of a jump 10 miles away from his house. I felt bad calling him because he was sicker than a dog yet he came out and helped me, he was there within minutes after I called.

                                Then once he told me he’s got a online relationship to a engaged woman who is having a house built for her and the fiancé.   Joe is getting frustrated about it and told me he want to break it off. Cleary this guy has low self-esteem or something.

Then last weekend he brought a long time female friend he knew for about 6 years out.  She was drunk and all over him.  It pissed me off.   I felt like a third wheel and I wasn’t used to it because we usually hang one on one.  She rarely comes out to.

                So heartbroken and drunk when I went home, I messaged him saying I can’t see him for a while because I realized I have feelings for him when he kept being affectionate towards he friend like he was to me. He didn’t reply for about 10 hours. I don’t blame him.  Lol

                He said it’s ok, and he appreciates the honesty.  He will give me space if he wants it.  But then he was planning on helping me with my truck again the next day…

                I will say, I’m head over heels for him. We have a lot in common, food, hobby, personality, and musical tastes. Looks wise he’s my type as well. HE got cheated on by his ex. So I have no clue what the hell is up. Wanna throw my hands in the air…

*i'm sorry, I love writing so I appricate you reading all of this and your time and kindess of helping me is appriciated.* Sorry about the bad grammer, i'm doing this on a touchsceen phone.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013

Since I've lived a long time on this earth, I'm sorry to tell you that he's just not that into you. He likes you as a friend and it probably strokes his ego to know that you have a crush on him. I'm sure he knew that, before you even told him. And now that you told him, he hasn't told you he feels the same and hasn't asked you on a date. Just as men will never understand women, women will never understand men. There were times in my past where I experienced the same thing--guys showing signs of interest, but they never asked me out. It's frustrating, but life is full of disappointments, just as it's full of joy at times. 

You will have to start treating him like any guy friend, if you can, and stop your brain when you start feeling more than that. Face the fact that he'll be a buddy and nothing more. Eventually, you'll meet a guy who is crazy about you and then you won't have to guess how much he likes you--he'll show it by wanting you all to himself, exclusively. 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

 Look if you are not assertive then someone else will be.  Many nice guys are not aggressive and may be timid afraid to go too far and lose out not realizing that they are losing out already.    Make you desire known even to spelling it out.  Use the iron skillet method and drag him off.  Be aggressive. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2013

"Use the iron skillet method and drag him off.  Be aggressive. "  lol XXXs, I love your humor! And thanks for replying. So I take it you think he may actually want me? I don't understand why he would still talk to me and go out of his way to help me after I drunk texted him. BY the way, I mentioned drinking a few times in my post, i'm not a alchoholic or anything of the sort, I just happend to have whiskey that night, something I rarely drink.  I look foward to your reply.

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012

One of my male friends told that generally men don't do subtle.  He would agree with the "Iron skillet method".  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003

Nothing is ever confusing if it's about a boy who really REALLY likes and wants a girl.

She will know because he will tell her, AND SHOW her.  Noone's ever confused about a straightforward 'he wants me, I know it, because he shows me' situation.

Confusing just means that the bloke in question's not into you enough. Men don't say to women 'look..something's not quite there..who knows what it is. What I do know is that you're not it'. Or 'I'd have sex with you but you'll want more afterwards and that I'm not all that keen on'.  Instead, they say 'I care for you'. You're so great'. 'We get on well'. Etc etc.

Forget him and find someone who WANTS you like a man wants a woman.