So what's "wrong" with men these days?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
So what's "wrong" with men these days?
2
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 12:36pm

As for the problem with "men" these days, I've given this topic a lot of thought. As a 34 year-old heterosexual man, I have noticed that many men today do not see women as trustworthy. They see marriage as a trap that often ends in misery. Also, there has been a shift in the past 30 or so years with women - this shift is a philosophy shift that has made women more self-centered and less family-oriented than they were in the past. Women still feel as if they deserve it all, and won't settle for less than a man who will cater to her every whim (if you ever watch Dr. Phil you know what I mean). Men aren't interested in trying to be perfect for a woman - we want to be ourselves, without someone trying to change everything about us. Believe it or not, men have needs too, and I think there is a growing sense among men that there are not many women out there willing to try and meet their needs. And so the fear of marriage grows even more. In order for men to feel good about women again, I think there must be a willingness on the part of women to start finding the good in men, instead of always looking for the worst. Also, jaded women who have been hurt in the past and assume all men are bad will never have another relationship for the rest of their lives. If the only way a woman can make a man happy is through sex, then that will be the main interest that men continue to have in women. Men want a spouse who appreciates them and will always stand beside him through the good times and bad, and I don't think there are as many women today who are willing to do this....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004

I agree with you on a lot of your points. Our society has changed in the past 30 years, so people have changed. A lot of us women have become career oriented and less family oriented, because we didn't meet Mr. Right in our early 20's. So we kept living life until we found ourselves in our early 30's nearing the top of the corporate ladder. Should a woman in her 30's who's been perusing her career for the past 10 or 15 years, marriage can be scary. Should we have children, our lives would change dramatically. There are still a lot of men who want their wives to be a SAHM. And when the children get older and the woman wants or needs to return to work, she just can't pick up where she left off. I know a lot of women in their forties, who are working at jobs they are overqualified for that don't pay a lot. But this is of course just one side to this multifaceted issue.

Then of course, I know people who didn't dream of a wedding day, and only wanted a career. They've lost their bf's or husbands because they didn't want to have children. One treacherous woman I know was secretly taking birthcontrol pills while her DH thought they were trying to have a baby. She even had him going to doctors and undergoing tests (but wouldn't go herself). When he found the pills and found out she was still taking them, he asked for a divorce.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

mandel17_99...

Pianoguy REALLY ENJOYED READING your post. When it comes to the male personna, many of your examples are "right on target!"

One additional point to consider is this.

A man shouldn't be expected to "think" the same way that a woman does. There's a major difference between listening and being considerate....as opposed to saying: "YES DEAR, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!" Few men (unless they're henpecked or just don't give a damn) will respond in the above manner.

I agree with you 100% about the sex. It can't and won't form the foundation of a serious relationship.

If a couple can wake up in the same bed the following day with very limited things to say to each other....or if one (or both) wants to "get the hell out of the bedroom before anything more happens".....that's a pretty good indication of their true feelings, don't you think?

Granted...many of us have jobs, family to attend to, and various other responsibilities, but when these 'supercede our spouse or S.O.', it's pretty clear how much that person REALLY MEANS TO US!

Pianoguy