Some Advice Please!!
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Some Advice Please!!
| Wed, 10-27-2004 - 12:59am |
Please, can anyone give me some feedback on a situation I have with my current boyfriend? He's a really great guy, but he has this relationship with a former lover that I feel very uncomfortable with. He dated an older woman who was an administrator at the college he attended while a nineteen year old student about fourteen years ago. He was a work study student at the time, and she was his immediate boss, so of course they kept the relationship secret from co-workers, family, and friends etc. Eventually they both moved on and started dating other people, but he continued to work for this woman for the next twelve years. Rumors abounded in this small college about the two of them having encounters in abandoned hallways etc. He of course denies that they continued to have a sexual realtionship after breaking up, but I feel he would do anything to protect this woman. He was briefly engaged to a fellow student at the college for a short period of time, and never even told her that he had had a previous relationship with his boss. He said it was because he was afraid his fiancee would tell her friends and ruin his boss' reputation, or even worse get them both fired. Well, finally this woman became engaged and moved to another college and this guy was left to look for another job after having spent twelve years and his entire professional life working for this woman. I started dating him about a year after that, and when he told me his story I just found it really suspicious. He says this woman is his "best friend" and will be a part of his life "until the day he dies." I find this all a little disconcerting. I've met this woman, and I don't like her, I am suspicious of his relationship with her, and honestly I feel as if my boyfriend has her, not my, best interests in mind. When I express my concerns he says I'm overly insecure and "obsessed" with her. Do I sound irrational, or does his relationship with this woman sound odd? Would anyone else be concerned? Does anyone think that this is enough of a reason to break up with someone? Any advice would be much appreciated!!!

Thanks,
N
The truth of the matter is that his actions lead me to believe with near certainty that he still has feelings for this woman. He's used to taking orders from her, and even though he describes her as a friend from my perspective he acts as if he is her personal lap dog. After meeting her and her then fiancee (they have now since married)I could sense that she was uncomfortable with me, and she made it clear that night that her fiancee would not be spending the night with her and would be driving back to his apartment, she then looked directly at my boyfriend. Okay, maybe not proof of anything but this was even before he had told me of their past sexual relationship, and it made me uncomfortable even then. There is also another night in particular, details I will not get into, that I am pretty sure he slept with her. As much as he may try and tell me my suspicions are unfounded,in my gut, I do suspect that they have maintained a sexual relationship even to this day. Recently my boyfriend read me a poem which he wrote about a man who feels guilty for sleeping with another man's wife, and honestly, it felt as if he were either playing head games with me, or subconciously trying to unburden his soul. I don't really care too much about him at this point, and have decided to break up with him. But I do feel sorry for him, because this woman will manipulate him until the day he dies. My boyfriend comes from a very working class family, and she comes from money so I suspect that is the reason why she could never see herself married to him and instead chooses to toy with him. At this point all the proof I need is in my heart, and it is telling me to stear very, very, far away from this guy!
Thanks everyone for your support!
N