Some feedback please......
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| Sat, 04-21-2007 - 11:02am |
I wanted to know everyone's thought about this item: I once had a conversation with a man who told me that the reason he married his wife was because she was a "comfortable old shoe". He elaborated and said that he chose his wife because she was not a "hottie". And because she was not a "hottie" she would be accepting of his income and lifestyle and she would not stray and he felt he could make her happy.
I feel bad for this woman. I know her personally but I would never repeat this conversation to her because it would crush her, I'm sure. Here she thinks he loves her, when it is really about himself and his ego and his sense of security in life. So when he wants to attract "hotties" he goes to strip clubs because the strippers make him feel as though he could still get them, if he wanted them. Idiot - your wallet gets the "hottie", not you. You are still a duffus (?).
I would not be happy living in this marriage. Call me crazy, but I would always want the guy to want me because he loves me, thinks I'm attractive, likes having sex with me and wants a good friend. How do the rest of you feel about this? Is this a common thing for men to feel? to want to marry a woman who is a "step down" from what he really wants? Is this common for older men? I used to believe in "love", now I'm not so sure about it.

snafu2006...
Pianoguy thinks you asked AN EXCELLENT QUESTION!
Unfortunately...there's no "one size fits all' answer.
Some men like to pamper their wives or g/f's indefinitely? Others married or seeing spouses who EXPECT (or nag at them) TOO MUCH...will keep the 'surprises and perks' to a minimum.
I think the real test of any relationship is when you can see your S.O. on her worst day and still say...I LOVE YOU...and mean it!
Pianoguy
you are making an assumption that he doesn't love her at all. He might not - but if he is treating her well and she is happy in this relationship, who is to say otherwise? I wouldn't suit me either - but if she is happy and he is not being disrespectful, or cheating, etc then it is working for them.
He chose to marry her for reasons you or I might fully appreciate, but it was her choice to say yes. Who knows, he may just love her crazy!
Toni
Snafu...
PG thinks that most "old shoes" either fit comfortably or that "some laces" will do their best to keep from snapping........no matter how much pressure they have put up with!
Personally...I think there are some old shoes that are a wonderful fit for a man...while others shouldn't have been tried on in the 1st place!
Pianoguy---who has never been particularly fond of the term: OLD SHOE when it's directed towards a person......FEMALE or MALE!
He loves her, but I don't feel he was ever "in love" with her. They married because she got pregnant and he made a decision that was way too practical with no love behind it, for my taste. I don't think he'd cheat on her and have an affair filled with emotions, but who knows what he does behind closed doors at the strip clubs with the strippers. He would never consider that cheating. Last I saw them, they seemed happy.
My question, however was more directed towards "Is this a common thing for men to feel? to want to marry a woman who is a "step down" from what he really wants?" for practical and self-esteem reasons, but only to regret it later?
<<"Is this a common thing for men to feel? to want to marry a woman who is a "step down" from what he really wants?" for practical and self-esteem reasons, but only to regret it later?>>
For people who make the choice that settling is not an option, no this is not common. If someone is choosing something because its safe - then its not for the right reasons. Playing it safe is what fearful people do. And it wouldn't work for me - I know what I want and am willing to do what is necessary - even fall down, to get it. :)
Toni