someone help me please...i'm confused~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
someone help me please...i'm confused~~
8
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 10:29pm
eLLo~

i'm currently 16 and is going out with a 19 yr old guy. we treat each other very well and really like each other. we just started less than 1 month ago.

he asked me if i could let him go and try dating other girls if he thinks he likes them. after a while, if he thinks they aren't compatible, he said he'll come back to me. well, i've agreed to it. but should i really agree or not? i really don't know... if one day he has to go, i'll just let him. i won't fight for it. but i'm still unsure if i should let him come back to me.. it seems like he's using me as a back-up...

i've thought abt it for sometime, and thus, decided to seek help here.. i really hope that someone out there could help me in this...i know i should concentrate on my studies first but i really like him...i never had this feeling towards him when i was with my previous steads....it's really the first time i felt this way...


Edited 9/12/2004 10:33 pm ET ET by jielin88
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:24am
I think you are better off being friends for the time being. You should date other people as well, if he is dating someone else. I would caution that him dating you given that you are under age is a dangerous thing to do because he could be charged with an offense of some sort (i.e. Lindsay Lohan and that 70's guy). Anyway, I doubt he is the love of your life, so just be friends and date other people. Most importantly, STUDY STUDY STUDY! :)
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:53pm


What??? I can't believe you are dating someone who wants to see other people and come back to you if it's not okay. Talk about having your cake and eating it! I hope you have a lot of respect for yourself and make sure if he goes away to be with other people he stays away. Why would he need to be with other girls if he's happy with you? You are way too young to be with someone like that and so i think you would be better off hanging out with your girlfriends and having fun rather than getting feelings that you could confuse for love etc at such an emotinal age as you are at. I'm not sure how far you've gone physically but there's also the risk of so many diseases out there and pregnancy also. You have so many years ahead of you, get a boyfriend who respects you or best of all wait until you're a little older before you get heavily involved with guys.

good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 5:41pm
I have to agree here, why would he need to go and date others if he's supposedly happy with you? He IS using you, you ARE the *just for now til something better comes along* girl. Forget this loser and find a guy who respects you enough and likes you enough to ONLY want YOU!

Believe me it's going to be a lot easier if you break things off completely now and not when he finds someone else and you've become completely attached.

One rule that you should ALWAYS live by, NEVER SETTLE! Don't give in to someone else's agenda if it doesn't match your own- by giving in you will NOT guarantee that their agenda will change and match with yours. If he's wanting to date other women, but come running back to you if they don't work out, then he's not wanting anthing remotely serious with you. He wants to be able to have someone on the side in case the others don't work, so that HE can be fulfilled. But what about YOU?? Remember only YOU are going to have YOUR best interests at heart.

So either break it off with him, or go out and date other guys as well as seeing him. But be sure to let him know, if you intend to stay seeing him, that you will be dating other guys and using him as the fall back guy. If he doesn't like it, then he's going to have to break it off, isn't he?

Do what's right for you.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 6:01pm
Hi,

Well if you don't mind seeing him kissing and hugging other girls than you can certainly date him while he dates others. But if he wants to break up with you everytime a new girl comes around and then if it doesn't work out with her to come back to you. I definitely would not agree to that.

Men will do to you what you allow them too. Unless you stand up for yourself and say, I won't be disrespected in that manner, I'm not your doormat etc. Then he'll treat you that way. Personally I wouldn't want to be anyone's BACKUP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 8:45pm
The message you're conveying to everyone around you is that being second best is ok with you...if he doesn't have anyone else lined up, then he's got you to fall back on. Don't be flattered by his 'attention'. Tell this guy that you want an exclusive boyfriend, not someone playing the field to see if anyone better comes along. You're right...you have better things to do like meet AVAILABLE guys and study.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 3:39am
thanks for all of your concern and replies...i've made up my mind to tell him how i feel..for i've always have this habit of keeping everything inside me since young..maybe i should tell out how i feel for once...

and i will not nelect my studies...and yes, i'm still a virgin and i'm very happy being one. :D and will continue being one till i get married one day...

i'm still young and still has a long way to go...

i won't damage my own future, i promise.

really a big thank you to all of you. :D :D

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 8:40am
Hi

You're only 16 - how many steadies have you had? He's young as well. This is a time to enjoy yourself, meet a lot of people, and have fun (I do not mean in a sexual sense as in sleep around with a lot of people). That goes for him as well.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:23am
thanks sherry for your advice. my mind is clearer now.. :D