Is something wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Is something wrong with me?
2
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 4:27am


This is my problem I have a boyfriend who I love very much and we've been together five months. He's deployed in the Army but he recently got back from Iraq and all of a sudden my normally loving always paying attention to me boyfriend is being so distant. He used to call me everyday several times a day and always tell me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me and he still tells me that but now he only makes time for me like once or twice a week for five minutes. I just can't understand why he's pulling away and why my normally loving boyfriend is being distant to me now. I mean I have asked him if he's being faithful to me or if he's met someone else and he says no and tells me he loves me all the time and says he thinks of me all the time and misses me very much. So am I being paranoid here or should I suspect something is really going on am i being too demanding and not understanding enough or do I have a right to feel this way? I'm beginning to think that maybe something is wrong with me and he just doesn't like me anymore or love me anymore. I've heard nothing from him in a week and he hasn't called me on the phone since Aug 30th. When he was in Iraq we talked every single day and he had less access to a phone then he does now. I'm really started to feel like it's me I mean he never makes time for me I mean I know he's also paying child support for a 1 year old so I don't know if I'm being too hard on him or if I should be more understanding. It's just I'm getting so sick of this I tell him time and time again I feel neglected and that I want him to make more time for me and all he does is tell me he loves me and apologizes for not being a better boyfriend. I mean instead of him apologizing I want him to be a better boyfriend I feel like he never listens to me. I don't want to breakup with him but I'm also tired of being hurt all the time that he doesn't make time for me. I feel like he never considers my feelings or listens to anything I say he used to be so considerate of my feelings and I really don't understand what happened to the guy I fell in love with ever since he left Iraq he's changed he's definitely not the same guy I fell in love with and I don't know what happened to him. He's not mean to be I don't know what but something has changed and I'm beginning to think it's his feelings towards me even though he insists he loves me and misses me all the time and thinks of me all the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 10:49am
Like I mentioned before, his experiences in Iraq could have changed him and his outlook on things. He's probably NOT the same man he was before he went over there. It's a very brutal scene over there, so I can imagine he might have dealt with some pretty heavy stuff.

The more you get on his case about neglecting you, the more he's going to be hesitant to call you.

He's in the military. With everything going on right now, I'm sure he's stressed out to the max. No offense, but I think his personal life is on the back burner right now. That's just the way it is.

You should listen to the song "American Soldier" by Toby Keith - I think it's a good tribute to soldiers and how they have to live their lives.

Just try to put yourself in his shoes: he's millions of miles away from home, he's in the military during an extremely tough time in the world, God only knows what's going on where he is.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 10:56am
nothing is wrong with yu. You overthink. Stop thinking. Remember..he's just back from iraq..let him be. he needs that space to digest what happened. Give him time. The best you can do is tell him you are there for him. You reach out..just a touch....instead of you expecting him to reach out to you all the time. Create dates..fun ones. Organize a party with friends. Send him anonymous love notes..that keeps him guessing who it is. Create coupons..with tiny things that you want to do for him..not just sex..but bake a cake, take him out..etc. leave it scattered around his home.. so that he knows you are there for him..and he can use them whenever he wants to. And once yu do all that... leave him..let him be. You give him the options of him reaching out to you. You seem to be pushing your way into his face..and he doesn't want that. he needs his space. So..drop those hints...and spend the time alone..meeting your friends, taking care of yourself. he'll come back to you.