sorry so long but I really need help
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| Wed, 02-18-2004 - 5:22am |
We have a history of problems. We started dating after a month and a half of being friends and going out to dinner. He confided in me at one point that he had problems with impotency. I made him go to a doctor to check himself out. He was too embarrased to do it before me and he lived like that for quite a long time. Anyway after about a month of treatmen he was a lot better. But the doctor told me that he was basically normal but had a lot of problems coping with pressure and he was super afraid of commitment. Doctor said I should take it easy with him. And I knew this because I had seen him have outbursts before when he got frustrated with something. He would tear at his shirt or put his fist in the wall. I didn't like that but on the other hand he was not violent with me.
On several occasions when we fought in the past (we did not fight often) he would tell me that he did not see himself in a relationship and that he doesn't think that he would be good with kids. Yet everything I know about him makes these statements totally untrue. He was a great boyfriend, he helped me around the house, took care of me when I was sick, and when I had a really bad cancer scare in December he pulled me out of my fears and helped me to cope with it all. I thought that his anxieties were all about the problems he had with impotency.
He moved in with me in January although he really was at my place most of the time before. Around the new year he started mentioning that it would not be bad if we had a kid after all. I saw a tremendous amount of improvement in his angry outbursts.. I thought we were home free.
Two weeks ago he broke up with me because I got angry one night because he came home late. He does this sometimes and it irritates the hell out of me. Anyway, he just told me that he was leaving and it was over. He repeated the stuff he said before about how relationships were not for him, kids were not for him, and that he is going to become a monk. crazy right?
I have seen him twice since. Last Friday he came to get his stuff and ended up asking me to go to dinner. When we went to dinner it was really nice and I could tell that he missed me. I was sure that this meant we would patch things up. But to my surprise he did not call at all or even send me an email like he used to everyday. Instead last night I broke down and called. I wanted to beg him to come back but I got a hold of myself and told him that I just needed to see him. I realize that he does not have a need to see me or else he would have called and now I got him to come see me again. I feel that it would be stupid to cancel yet I realize that I should not beg. Please help.... what should I say.

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If you're a tiger in a cage - you're a non-threatening entity and as long as the cage door is open, and they can run and come and go while enjoying the benefits of your cage with no obligation too you - they're all about it.
What they refuse to get into and won't tolerate is you shutting he door on the cage - because that means they're confronted now with having to "alter their attitude, actions" to be wih you - they want none of that.
They showed up for the freebies - they're not going to take a vicious pawing and teeth knashing to be with you - that's NOT beneficial to them and that is the only reason they were interested in you to begin with.
This guy just lacks "people experience" and he got his timing wrong. He thought he could do wahtever he wanted, whenever and however he wnated, as long as he wanted and get the benefits, ease, comfort and convience with no obligation or change. People that are very "people smart" - sit there looking at the benefits of being with you, realize that only for so long are they going to get benefits with no obligation to change...and they "take the benefits and run" - before you can even consider slamming the cage door and trapping them in there with you. That's what happens when you put out a long trail of treats to the cage of your lair....people that are intelligent,eat the treats, and never the the lair at all.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I suspect he's impotent with YOU...that way he got the benefits of being with you, without having to have sex with you...but iwth people his own age - he's probably no "impotent".
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
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