Sowing Wild Oats
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| Mon, 05-29-2006 - 7:12am |
Been 3 years since I have separated after a 30 year marriage, even though we lived in the same house. Now we are moving into divorce and I am moving into my own place within the next few months. I've had online relationships and friends, and in the last 6 months started meeting men for coffee but wasn't interested in going beyond that. I am feeling a sense of freedom, relief, and very hopeful for my future. I'm at a place where I enjoy being alone and have no problem doing things by myself, etc. I would like a man in my life, but not a requirement... except after 3 years of no sex, I realize I either got to find a man who I'm attracted to or buy a generator (batteries are too expensive) haha.
I am going on a holiday at the end of June to another city/country as I want to check out the possibility of moving there. In my research, I decided to also check out the men who are there and did a search on the dating site. As I was drooling over one man in particular, he happened to be online and sent me a quick pm asking what I was doing (the site restricts us to within 100 km of our own city and not 1,500 km so seeing me would have been strange. The fact I got caught was also bizarre). Said I was checking out the scenery, lol. He replied, very nice scenery. We talked a bit, and he offered to show me around the city. I'm not in much contact with him, really don't know much about him, but have given him my name and the hotel phone # I will be staying at to meet him for a coffee. Not even sure if he will call, so this seems really silly to me to even be thinking about it - not like me.
He is aware that my only expectation is that we meet for coffee to see if we are both comfortable. I won't hold him to his offer to show me around. Yet, I'm getting this nagging inner voice telling me that as much as I just want a fling there is something different about him (in a good way). History tells me if I sleep with someone right away, there will be no future. I've been telling myself to ignore the "what ifs" and just go with the flow, to trust my instincts as it happens. But if I end up liking him and my instincts tell me to hold off it could be months before I get anything, and I really wanted this trip to sow some wild oats. Wasn't looking to start anything and having this possibility enter the picture wasn't part of my plan... then again, neither was getting caught drooling over the scenery.
What are your thoughts - on any of it?
Cheryl

I think you need to stay in the moment and not get so far ahead of yourself!!! Why not see if he even calls you first ;-)? And if he does, who knows if you'll hit it off in person or not?
I met two men on a vacation trip to New Orleans a couple years ago--I was there alone for part of the time so was looking for locals to show me around and have dinner with, nothing more. So I set up meetings with each of them through Yahoo personals. One turned out exactly as I expected...he showed me around, we spent a pleasant afternoon and evening together and we keep in touch occasionally by email. With the other guy, it was like fireworks from the beginning...we were both thinking "fling" but it ended up turning into a 1.5 year LTR (that ended very, very painfully and badly FWIW). Ironically, I was thinking before meeting either of them that the FIRST guy was more "promising", if you will. So you never know until you meet...just see what happens, and if you're truly ok with it ONLY being a fling, then go for it.
Sheri
Thanks, and after a day of thought I'm figuring it will be want I need in my life at this time. Whatever happens, happens.
Cheryl
Cheryl
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Anyone know where I can buy a generator, lol. Cancelled Hot Stuff. Decided I could not do it and feel good about myself. Plus, too many things happening in my life to make it more complicated than it is. I need to really focus on the reason for my trip in the first place - for years I've felt a pull to that area and I need to find out why.
Cheryl
Cheryl
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I just think it's interesting that you've lived in the same house with your soon-to-be ex husband even though you've been separated for 3 years. I can't imagine continuing to live with my ex husband once we split, and we have always been on friendly terms. But apparently that arrangement has worked for you, so that's great.
In terms of online dating, I agree with Sheri that it's better to take one step at a time. You sound like you've been quite cautious and slow-moving with your dates to this point, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's normal to meet guys and THEN decide if you want to get physical. And many times, once you meet in person, you realize that the online "connection" has disappeared and you're not even interested in going out on a date.
At any rate, good luck with your move into your own place, with your divorce and Bon Voyage on your trip. If you do decide to sow your wild oats over there, be safe and have fun.
It sounds like you've got quite an exciting array of changes coming to your life.
Well Cheryl, be careful about the sex. Review your knowledge about the sexual diseases, you'd be surprised what you can pick up from open mouth kissing.
It's natural for a person to want companionship and physical comfort, and I wish you well, but be prepared also that it won't be easy.
good luck
What sex?!
Cheryl
Cheryl
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