Sparks Not Flying
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| Sat, 04-21-2007 - 2:51pm |
I have been dating this man for three months. He is 36 and I am 33. We are compatible on every single level, we love spending time together, we find each other attractive, and we are best friends. We tell each other everything and we trust one another. Normally we only see each other on weekends. The first few dates I did feel the "spark" of sexual attraction and chemistry, until the first time we had sex. It wasn't all that great, but I figured we'd work on it and eventually it would get better. The first time with a new guy is not always spectacular anyway. Well, three months later and there is hardly a spark left at all. We rarely have sex, we'd rather just watch a movie and cuddle. We have talked about this issue and have decided not to see each other for awhile. I am heartbroken because he is like my best friend and while I am still attracted to him, we just aren't clicking and do not seem to have that strong desire and spark for each other that we both want.
My question is, are we doing something wrong? How can we be so perfect for each other on every level except sex? I feel like I am giving up a future with a wonderful man, and I miss him terribly. Should I just move on, or are there things we can try to find that passion and desire--if we had this, things would be basically perfect. We are both hurting and are lost as to what we should do, we are at a crossroads and I am worried I will make the wrong decision, both staying and going seem like the wrong thing to do. Please help!

There seems to be a lack of sexual chemistry, and when we do end up doing it, there is rarely any foreplay. I don't know if there is a way to "invent" chemistry, or if it's not there, you're screwed. Or not screwed, as it were. Again, outside the bedroom, we are great together. But, I could never be "just friends" with him because I really like him a lot and would rather we find some ways to spice things up...if it's possible. He is also on antidepressants, but says it's not the meds but that he isn't feeling the "spark" when it comes to our sexual relationship. I don't either, but I want to have sex at least, to see if we can work on it, he doesn't even seem to want to try. Maybe it really is the pills and he thinks it's not...who knows, all I know is I am confused and frustrated.
Thanks for your reply! :)
You've said that you like him alot...are there other areas that are good sexually, other than actually sex itself? Not to go into too much detail...but how is kissing him? Or any other activity?
Before my boyfriend and I had sex he would absolutely drive me crazy. I actually ended up having sex with him before I had wanted to. The first time really wasn't that good, although everything else was. Now it's absolutely fantastic.
Perhaps it's a lack of experience? Or the inability to "let go" or other emotional barriers??