Spending time really "with him"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Spending time really "with him"
5
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 9:06am

Hi, I would like your opinion.

I'm dating this wonderful man for 7 months. I love him very much and he also loves me, but I feel I'm spending few time with him. I mean, I spend a lot of time with him, but doing stuff like going to the cinema, dinner out, watching a movie at my house, going to the gym, etc. I feel we're losing how we were in the begining, long talks at the beach, in the park, only talking and knowing each other, withouth other distractions.

I like very much to be with him, but I miss that. It seems our attention focus is always on something else, not on each other. I miss spending time "with him", know what I mean?

Anyone feels the same? What should I do? I already told him this but he said he doesn't feel it that way...




Edited 11/29/2005 9:11 am ET by wrtitingright
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 1:53pm
It sounds like this guy needs a lot of stimuli in his life. A movie to focus on, food to eat, music to listen to... etc... That quiet walks on the beach isn't enough for him. I gather he's not the biggest talker? Some people just need a lot of entertainment to fill up their time. See if you can reach a compromise with him. Some nights you pick the activity and some nights he gets to choose.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 1:56pm

Why not just "do", rather than talk about it?

Plan a long walk and talk at the beach for this weekend (if you're in an area where the weather would permit that of course!), for example, then plan similar things every couple of weeks. If he's not willing to compromise and do what YOU want to do on occasion, then you have bigger problems than not having unstructured time together.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 2:28pm

Hmm maybe I act more like a guy in a relationship :P Don't you run out of things to talk about? I can understand the long talks into getting to know the person in the beginning of a relationship, but after several months, it seems natural to start living "life" I think aside from long talks, developing similar interests, create memories and enjoying every day life should just be as important as the talks. When you go out for dinner don't you talk over the dinner table? After you see a movie, don't you discuss what you have seen and how you feel about it? To me all those are ways of getting to know one another. Maybe it is not as direct as talking without distractions, but it is another way of getting to know each other.

Guys usually are not good with long talks in general. I would think probably every 6 months for those long talks is the most they can handle once they fall into a relationship pattern.

That is just my 2 cents :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2005
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 7:21pm

actually , you are describing what most of us girls dream of...........real dates, not just hanging out!


the fact he

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 3:26pm

men and women can be different in this way. why don' tyou suggest going away for a weekend, or at least overnight to help you reconnect


you're right in thinking an effort must be made to keep things fresh and intimate and communicative, unfortunately often it's the woman who has to do the initiating

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