Starting Fights for No Reason

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Starting Fights for No Reason
3
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 5:38pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and normally are very happy in our relationship, but I've noticed that I start arguements for no reason. It makes him feel bad, and I feel guilty. I don't realize that Ive done it until later. Its like a subconscious passive-aggressive thing. He knows that I'm not consciously doing it, but we just can't figure out why it happens. I have a few ideas as to why: I feel i don't deserve him or the happiness and am trying to push both away; doing it to test him- say things to get his reaction, if i don't like the response i get upset; im scared he's going to hurt me in the end so i'll do it first; im taking out my stress on him; I do it for the feeling of making up- or get too comfortable being happy and need the drama for five min. I don't if any of those are really the reasons I do it, i just wish Id stop i feel like im going to screw up the only good thing in my life because of a subconscious outburst. If anyone has any advice, id appreciate it.

*ezizabef*

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:30pm
Obviously this person does not bring out the best in you. This is a sign that you are not secured of your feeling towards the person and part scared of falling in love. If you continue to behave this way, it will bring nothing but misery.

If you think you can turn things around and stick to it, good. But if you tried and you still goes back to your bad habit, then you definitely have to let go and not come back for both your sake.

Letting go is not easy because we are all creatures of habit. That's ok because in the end you will be happy. It's best to be around someone whom you know appreciates you and brings out the best in you.

The longer you hang around your current situation, the longer it will take you to find your happiness.

Let go, be free, and be happy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 11:32pm
The first question I would ask is, has this just started or has it been going on for some time and you are just now noticing it?

 
Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:20am
Hello ezizabef! I am working on the same area in my relationship, to be honest. I am trying to learn not to get upset over every little thing that I think he is "doing wrong". I cause and start a good amount of tetious arguments, and it is not positive or healthy in relationships. I can see it wearing thin on my S/O- so my main goal right now is to really curb my upsets.

With me, I think that it has to do with security and control. I am scared to feel 100% secure in a relationship; I never have, so I start dumb arguments to see (subconsciously, of course) how much he can take, and how far I can push him.

If I don't knck it off, I am going to push him out the door, and that's not what I want. I do love my s/o very much. I doubt that's what you want either; at least it doesn't sound it from your email.