to stay or leave

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
to stay or leave
2
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 12:34pm
I have lived with my significant other for about a year now and we dated a year before that. I have 3 children from a previous marriage and he has none and does not want any. I am a happy go lucky person and want the best for my children. He on the other hand has not had long term relationships and is somewhat of a negative person. In December we decided I could afford to stay home and be here for the kids and take care of the house. I get a very good amount in child support and help out with household bills. He beleives that money buys happiness and I do not. He has only a handfull of friends, of which i think are snobby and he does not enjoy going out with my friends or hanging out with my family-which is very important to me. For 2 years now i have not done much with my friends and family and recently decided that for my happiness I need to start doing the things I like to do. I have come to the conclusion that we are 2 different people. I left my husband because I want my kids to grow up and see happiness not fighting all the time. And now I sense that the negativity from my boyfriend is not good for them or for myself. He does love me and I love him, he provides a home for us. At this point I can't help feeling I would be better back on my own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 12:45pm
I would have to agree. Sounds like you have gotten all you can out of this relationship and it's time to move on and get back to yourself. You do not owe him anything, but you do owe it to your kids to be the best you can be. Being with someone who changes you so drastically is only going to work for so long. If you value your friends and your family and you find he doesn't- that's a MAJOR difference!! If you want your children to grow up thinking that money is less important that those people around you, that is a strong value and you need to live by example. Being with someone without that value is detrimental to you.

I think you have made the right decision. Not the easiest, but the right one.

Good luck

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 3:47pm
Thank you for your honest reply! In my heart I know that is the right decision. It will take some time to actually carry out with it. I am in the process of looking for a job for additional income (next to the child support I get), a place to live that keeps my children in the same school district, and I am taking 3 classes this fall. With such a platefull its great to know that message boards like this one are here to help individuals such as myself and others in time of need.

Thank you again.